If I begged and if I cried
Would it change the sky tonight
Would it give me some light?
Should I wait for you to call
Is there any hope at all
Are you drifting by?
When I think about it
I know that I was never held
Or even cared
The more I think about it
The less that I was able to share
With you
I try to reach for you I
Can almost feel you,
You're nearly here
And then
You disappear
Disappear, disappear, disappear
(You disappear)
Disappear, disappear, disappear
When I lie all by myself
I see you face, I hear your voice
My heart stays faithful
And time has come and time has passed
If it's good it's got to last
It feels so right
When I think about it
I know that I was never held
Or even caredThe more I think about it
The less that I was able to share
With youI try to reach for you I
Can almost feel you,You're nearly here
And then
You disappear
Disappear, disappear, disappear
(You disappear)
Disappear, disappear, disappear
(You disappear)
Disappear, disappear, disappear
You disappear
I missed all the signs
One at a time
You were ready
What did I know
Starting our lives
And my love I'm ready to shine
When I think about it
I know that I was never held
Or even cared
The more I think about it
The less that I was able to share
With you
I try to reach for you I
Can almost feel you,
You're nearly here
And then
You disappear
Disappear, disappear, disappear
(You disappear)
Disappear, disappear, disappear
(You disappear)
Disappear, disappear, disappear
You disappear
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
XXIV
So I'm 24.
And I am supposed to feel this sort of renewal within me making this transition from 23 to 24. I don't really feel any different. I'm feeling very anxious, very repressed, very oppressed, like a caged bird that was never supposed to be trapped in the first place. And if I was given my freedom, would I even know what to do with it? If the door was open, would I still remain in the cage.
So I'm 24.
And between foolishness and maturity. I have watched those my age marry, divorce, have children, graduate college, get jobs, travel. I feel like the runner who didn't hear the gun go off at the start of the race. I know everyone has their own pace, their own drum that they march to. I am feeling in a rut. I want to graduate but I'm unsure of the life that waits for me after that diploma is placed in my hand. I have seen how the real world has changed my friends. 9 to 5s are not for me and people scoff at my dreams of doing something that will only afford happiness and contentment in my life. Why should I be practical at the expense of my dreams. At what point does the vicious cycle end?
So I'm 24.
And single. Experience is limited. Relationships are alluring? Am I ready for a relationship? I am a selfish person to an extent. I have never had to share. It has always been me. I want someone to talk to on the deepest level, no exteriors, only baring my innermost workings. I want someone who will trust me enough to do the same.
So I'm 24.
And patience is wearing thin. I want something of my own. Something that sets me apart from others. Something that I can be proud of. I'm tired of being pigeon-holed, stereotyped, generalized, etc. I am Bryce Lee Wynn and I want everyone to see that. I am 3-dimensional. I am highly-intelligent though drastically flawed. Love me or hate me. I am not perfect nor do I strive to be. I want to be able to say what I feel and not be misunderstood anymore.
So I'm 24.
And I should be happy. I think I am happy. I think I could be happier. In some ways I fear happiness.
So I'm 24.
And I am supposed to feel this sort of renewal within me making this transition from 23 to 24. I don't really feel any different. I'm feeling very anxious, very repressed, very oppressed, like a caged bird that was never supposed to be trapped in the first place. And if I was given my freedom, would I even know what to do with it? If the door was open, would I still remain in the cage.
So I'm 24.
And between foolishness and maturity. I have watched those my age marry, divorce, have children, graduate college, get jobs, travel. I feel like the runner who didn't hear the gun go off at the start of the race. I know everyone has their own pace, their own drum that they march to. I am feeling in a rut. I want to graduate but I'm unsure of the life that waits for me after that diploma is placed in my hand. I have seen how the real world has changed my friends. 9 to 5s are not for me and people scoff at my dreams of doing something that will only afford happiness and contentment in my life. Why should I be practical at the expense of my dreams. At what point does the vicious cycle end?
So I'm 24.
And single. Experience is limited. Relationships are alluring? Am I ready for a relationship? I am a selfish person to an extent. I have never had to share. It has always been me. I want someone to talk to on the deepest level, no exteriors, only baring my innermost workings. I want someone who will trust me enough to do the same.
So I'm 24.
And patience is wearing thin. I want something of my own. Something that sets me apart from others. Something that I can be proud of. I'm tired of being pigeon-holed, stereotyped, generalized, etc. I am Bryce Lee Wynn and I want everyone to see that. I am 3-dimensional. I am highly-intelligent though drastically flawed. Love me or hate me. I am not perfect nor do I strive to be. I want to be able to say what I feel and not be misunderstood anymore.
So I'm 24.
And I should be happy. I think I am happy. I think I could be happier. In some ways I fear happiness.
So I'm 24.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Day #1 of Birthday Extravaganza
Instead of feeling blue about my aging, I decided to take matters into my own hands and make this the best birthday celebration ever. Last year's birthday was not enjoyable. I made the mistake of trying to bridge the gap between my old friends and new friends and most of my old friends really showed their true colors and now we have parted ways. I think that I now have a great group of people around me and my plan is to spend time with each of them.
Saturday I wanted to go roller skating. I wanted Katie there but she was going to be in Birmingham. But everyone else could go so I will go twice just so Katie can come. Kristen, Josh, Grace, and Clif all met me at Hamilton Skate Place and we had a blast. I don't skate that well but a lot of it was me not trusting myself not to fall. I only fell once and that was when Josh got in the way of three eight year old girls who were skating in a line. Well those girls then promptly got in my way so it was either fall or take three girls down with me so I latched onto the girl at the back of the line and we all fell. It was funny in retrospect. I had a great time. It was good to be surrounded by good people.
Saturday I wanted to go roller skating. I wanted Katie there but she was going to be in Birmingham. But everyone else could go so I will go twice just so Katie can come. Kristen, Josh, Grace, and Clif all met me at Hamilton Skate Place and we had a blast. I don't skate that well but a lot of it was me not trusting myself not to fall. I only fell once and that was when Josh got in the way of three eight year old girls who were skating in a line. Well those girls then promptly got in my way so it was either fall or take three girls down with me so I latched onto the girl at the back of the line and we all fell. It was funny in retrospect. I had a great time. It was good to be surrounded by good people.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Lyrics of the Week - Comfortable by John Mayer
I just remembered that time at the market
Snuck up behind me and climbed on my shopping cart
And rode down, aisle five
You looked behind you to smile back at me
Crashed into a rack full of magazines
They asked us, if we could leave
Can't we remember
What went wrong last September
Though I'm sure that you'd remember
If you had to
Our love was
Comfortable and
So broken in
I sleep with this new girl I'm still getting used to
My friends all approve, say she's gonna be good for you
They throw me, high-fives
She said the Bible is all that she reads
And prefers that I not use profanity
Your mouth was, so dirty
Life of the party
And she swears that she's artsy
But you could distinguish
Miles from Coltrane
Our love was
Comfortable and
So broken in
She's perfect
So flawless
Or so they say, say
She thinks I can't see the smile that she's fakin
Poses for pictures that aren't being taken
I love you, grey sweatpants, no makeup, so flawless
Our love was
Comfortable and
So broken in
She's perfect
So flawless
I'm not impressed, I want you back
Snuck up behind me and climbed on my shopping cart
And rode down, aisle five
You looked behind you to smile back at me
Crashed into a rack full of magazines
They asked us, if we could leave
Can't we remember
What went wrong last September
Though I'm sure that you'd remember
If you had to
Our love was
Comfortable and
So broken in
I sleep with this new girl I'm still getting used to
My friends all approve, say she's gonna be good for you
They throw me, high-fives
She said the Bible is all that she reads
And prefers that I not use profanity
Your mouth was, so dirty
Life of the party
And she swears that she's artsy
But you could distinguish
Miles from Coltrane
Our love was
Comfortable and
So broken in
She's perfect
So flawless
Or so they say, say
She thinks I can't see the smile that she's fakin
Poses for pictures that aren't being taken
I love you, grey sweatpants, no makeup, so flawless
Our love was
Comfortable and
So broken in
She's perfect
So flawless
I'm not impressed, I want you back
A Letter From Katie ...
Today was an interesting day. I was at work and I was looking for a highlighter so while rummaging through the front pocket of my backpack, I stumbled upon a letter with my name on it. I opened it and immediately saw that it was from Katie. I started reading the letter which referenced an earlier blog of mine. In this blog I wrote about how much I disliked my Publications class. I was very frustrated when I wrote the blog. I remember that day not being a good day. I don't feel like I have many friends or people I can relate to in that class and on some level I feel that those feelings have not changed. What has changed is that I no longer dislike the class. I get frustrated easily in that class because I feel like I'm often talked over or talked down to. I explained all of these to Katie all while assuring her that I never meant to insinuate that her friendship meant nothing to me. That couldn't be any farther from the truth. The truth of the situation, as I further explained in my letter to her, is that I have an inferior complex which seems silly even to me. I know what I can do and I know what I offer as both a writer and someone who knows what people like, but somehow I allow the other people in this class to make me feel inferior.
I went over to Katie's apartment before class today to deliver the letter and to talk to her about her nonfiction class. It was really nice to sit down and talk to someone who I feel understands me as both a writer and a human being. We talked about everything from racism to relationships and it was a breath of fresh air and truly a highlight of my day. Katie is a very intelligent young woman and I find myself learning so much from her everyday. I just really hope she knows that I do value her friendship and that she is one of the closest friends I have right now.
I got to grade senior papers today for Mrs. Dees at CSAS.
Today in Andrew Najberg's Creative Writing class we discussed various nonfiction pieces that were in the nonfiction chapter in Burroway. Before class I told Andrew that I had writer's block and I was having trouble shifting from writing plays/screenplays to writing nonfiction/fiction/poetry. I am literally getting a taste of all genres this semester and it's leaving me a bit confused. He did give me some insight on how to remedy my problem. He told me to write about the blank screen I am sitting in front of. It sounded completely bizarre to me but I'm like hey, some of the most bizarre things can produce the most intriguing things. I am gonna take him up on his advice when I am faced with writer's block.
In Spanish, Regina Ragon's fiance stepped in for her in our class. He is a very interesting guy. He's Argentine and he told us all about Argentina and its culture.
Overall today was a great day.
I went over to Katie's apartment before class today to deliver the letter and to talk to her about her nonfiction class. It was really nice to sit down and talk to someone who I feel understands me as both a writer and a human being. We talked about everything from racism to relationships and it was a breath of fresh air and truly a highlight of my day. Katie is a very intelligent young woman and I find myself learning so much from her everyday. I just really hope she knows that I do value her friendship and that she is one of the closest friends I have right now.
I got to grade senior papers today for Mrs. Dees at CSAS.
Today in Andrew Najberg's Creative Writing class we discussed various nonfiction pieces that were in the nonfiction chapter in Burroway. Before class I told Andrew that I had writer's block and I was having trouble shifting from writing plays/screenplays to writing nonfiction/fiction/poetry. I am literally getting a taste of all genres this semester and it's leaving me a bit confused. He did give me some insight on how to remedy my problem. He told me to write about the blank screen I am sitting in front of. It sounded completely bizarre to me but I'm like hey, some of the most bizarre things can produce the most intriguing things. I am gonna take him up on his advice when I am faced with writer's block.
In Spanish, Regina Ragon's fiance stepped in for her in our class. He is a very interesting guy. He's Argentine and he told us all about Argentina and its culture.
Overall today was a great day.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Reviewing Week 6 While in the Throws of Week 7
Last week was definitely interesting. It was definitely a series of ups and downs for me. Wednesday we had another Author's Society meeting which was presided over by Gavin. I thought he did a great job keeping us all on task. I even liked the writing exercise he gave which entailed each of in attendance writing an Anti-Valentine's Day story using a word that was given to us by another member. We had two new people come and I hope that they are interested. Most of the current members are not showing up and pretty much the only faithfuls are me, Katie, Gavin, Emilia, Ashely, Josh, Brandon, and Travis. Everyone else claims to be too busy and I hate that excuse because I'm managing just fine with all the stuff I have to do. People do what they want to do. How hard is it to put aside an hour and a half a week to meet?
Sybil Baker had me preside over class in lieu of her absence on Thursday. She, Dr. Jackson, Gavin, Trenna, Emilia, Adam, and Katie all went to Chicago for the AWP Conference. So I basically divided the seven of us that showed up for class into prose / poetry groups. The prose group drafted a rejection letter for submissions that we did not choose to go into this year's Sequoya Review, and the poetry group brainstormed a list of things that would like to see on the Sequoya Review's website. Overall, I think it all went well. We readjourned and went over what we all had and then I let them go.
V-Day was uneventful. I stayed home, cleaned house and did the laundry. I did go play video games with Clif for awhile and then came back home.
This week started off okay. Schools were out for President's Day so I didn't go to CSAS.
Sybil Baker had me preside over class in lieu of her absence on Thursday. She, Dr. Jackson, Gavin, Trenna, Emilia, Adam, and Katie all went to Chicago for the AWP Conference. So I basically divided the seven of us that showed up for class into prose / poetry groups. The prose group drafted a rejection letter for submissions that we did not choose to go into this year's Sequoya Review, and the poetry group brainstormed a list of things that would like to see on the Sequoya Review's website. Overall, I think it all went well. We readjourned and went over what we all had and then I let them go.
V-Day was uneventful. I stayed home, cleaned house and did the laundry. I did go play video games with Clif for awhile and then came back home.
This week started off okay. Schools were out for President's Day so I didn't go to CSAS.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Lyrics of the Week - Do You Realize by the Flaming Lips
Do you realize
That you have, the most, beautiful face
Do you realize
We're floating in space
Do you realize
That happiness makes you cry
Do you realize
That everyone, you know, some day, will die
But instead of saying all of your goodbyes
Let them know you realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
Realize the sun don't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning 'round
Do you realize - oh, oh oh
Do you realize
That everyone, you know, someday, will die
And instead of saying all of your goodbyes
Let them know you realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
Realize the sun don't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning 'round
Do you realize
That you have, the most, beautiful face
Do you realize
That you have, the most, beautiful face
Do you realize
We're floating in space
Do you realize
That happiness makes you cry
Do you realize
That everyone, you know, some day, will die
But instead of saying all of your goodbyes
Let them know you realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
Realize the sun don't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning 'round
Do you realize - oh, oh oh
Do you realize
That everyone, you know, someday, will die
And instead of saying all of your goodbyes
Let them know you realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
Realize the sun don't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning 'round
Do you realize
That you have, the most, beautiful face
Do you realize
Monday, February 9, 2009
Playing Catchup: Week 5 in Review ...
Last week, overall, was a great week. Thursday night I drove back to UTC to attend the Author's Society meeting which was held in the library. It was low attendance but I did run into Clif in the library and told him to come to the meeting. When I get there, Andrew Najberg - my Creative Writing professor was there which was a shock. I had sent our an email via the UTC Author's gmail account to him and Rebecca Cook because I know they both teach prose-oriented writing classes. I was glad that she showed up. In addition to the three of us, Josh, Katie, Brandon, Emilia, and Travis were there. It was an overall great meeting and even though attendance has dwindled at the meetings, there meetings have been more enjoyable in my opinion since certain rebel-rousers haven't been present.
Sybil Baker subbed for Andrew on Friday in Creative Writing and we all did this writing exercise that I had done in her fiction class a couple of semesters ago. What we did was we each wrote down a setting, a mood, two characters (their names and their descriptions, one round, one flat), and a plot. My plot was that my main character was on their way to a meeting and they got zipped up in their pants. My characters were Dale, a repressed, cold elementary school principal and Jezzbelle a former model turned elementary school secretary who was confident and comfortable with her blatant sexuality. My mood was sultry. My setting was the fictional town of Ecstacy where all your sexual fantasies come true. What we did was cut each of these out, mix them up, and we each got a random setting, set of characters, mood, and plot to write a short story on.
My piece ended up being about a young man who worked for the president who is sent to Iraq. He ends up slipping in an elevator and getting cut in half when the elevator closes on him and starts moving. I love the exercise and I thought it was fun.
Overall the week was awesome and I got some good sleep over the weekend. One day at a time I say.
Sybil Baker subbed for Andrew on Friday in Creative Writing and we all did this writing exercise that I had done in her fiction class a couple of semesters ago. What we did was we each wrote down a setting, a mood, two characters (their names and their descriptions, one round, one flat), and a plot. My plot was that my main character was on their way to a meeting and they got zipped up in their pants. My characters were Dale, a repressed, cold elementary school principal and Jezzbelle a former model turned elementary school secretary who was confident and comfortable with her blatant sexuality. My mood was sultry. My setting was the fictional town of Ecstacy where all your sexual fantasies come true. What we did was cut each of these out, mix them up, and we each got a random setting, set of characters, mood, and plot to write a short story on.
My piece ended up being about a young man who worked for the president who is sent to Iraq. He ends up slipping in an elevator and getting cut in half when the elevator closes on him and starts moving. I love the exercise and I thought it was fun.
Overall the week was awesome and I got some good sleep over the weekend. One day at a time I say.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Lyrics of the Day - Halo by Beyoncé
Remember those walls I built
Well baby they're tumbling down
They didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make a sound
I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of you halo
I've got my angel now
It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breaking
It's the risk that I'm taking
I ain't never gonna shut you out
Everywhere I looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace
You're everything I need in more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away
I can see your halo, halo, halo
I can see your halo, halo, halo
I can see your halo, halo, halo
I can see your halo, halo, halo
Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest nights
You're the only one that I want
I'm addicted to your light
I swore I never fall again
But this don't even feel like falling
Gravity can't forget
To pull me back to the ground again
It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breaking
It's the risk that I'm taking
I ain't never gonna shut you out
Everywhere I looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace
You're everything I need in more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away
I can see your halo, halo, halo
I can see your halo, halo, halo
I can see your halo, halo, halo
I can see your halo, halo, halo
Well baby they're tumbling down
They didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make a sound
I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of you halo
I've got my angel now
It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breaking
It's the risk that I'm taking
I ain't never gonna shut you out
Everywhere I looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace
You're everything I need in more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away
I can see your halo, halo, halo
I can see your halo, halo, halo
I can see your halo, halo, halo
I can see your halo, halo, halo
Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest nights
You're the only one that I want
I'm addicted to your light
I swore I never fall again
But this don't even feel like falling
Gravity can't forget
To pull me back to the ground again
It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breaking
It's the risk that I'm taking
I ain't never gonna shut you out
Everywhere I looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace
You're everything I need in more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away
I can see your halo, halo, halo
I can see your halo, halo, halo
I can see your halo, halo, halo
I can see your halo, halo, halo
Hump Day Musings
So far so good. Things have been going rather smoothly this week and I have been enjoying things. Yesterday I went to work at Financial Aid. I was pleased to find out that Mrs. Martin was back working. Mrs. Sansbury is nice and everything but she is a tad bit too moody for me. It can wear on my nerves after awhile. For the most part it was a quiet, chilled day at work. The counselors all had to go to an interview so Mrs. Thompson asked me to work up front for about an hour. Well while I was in the front office, this black guy with a very heavy accent came in asking about the Pell Grant. I explained to him what he needed to do which was fill out the FAFSA and then the guy passes gas and then tells me about it before he leaves the office. Ariel got a kick out of it and I was just appalled by the whole thing.
Michelle White's History of Modern Britain was very interesting. Our first exam in on Monday, February 9, 2009 so I am going to start studying for it. We learned about the French Revolution and the Reign of Terror from the view point of England. As usual Mark and William - the two know-it-alls in the class - were constantly interrupting Dr. White interjecting things that they probably felt were relevant to what she was lecturing on. All it did was annoy half the class and prevent Dr. White from finishing the lecture.
Sybil Baker's Publications course was down in the Sequoya Review Room. We broke up into our two groups - prose and poetry - and each group went into one of the cubicles in the basement of the UC. Katie, Gavin, Ashely, and I were the only prose people there so we cleaned up our cubicle which also doubles as the Author's Society cubicle and we got our computer set up. We all cleaned up some of the stories chosen for the Sequoya Review and we also added three more pieces to the journal based on the fact that we had nine more pages to fill. Things actually went well today and we got a lot done but afterwards we had a meeting with the Poet's Club Officers which were Trenna, Anne, and Emilia. We were discussing what to do as far as writing exercises go for the joint meeting being held next Tuesday. Trenna suggested that the poets write prose and vice-versa. The others had issues with this - except Emilia who can write both. Gavin then told me that he essentially dislikes my writing exercises because they force him out of his comfort zones. Gee, don't they all force us out of our comfort zones. Last time I checked, no one in Author's Society can write something perfect in fifteen minutes - at least I've yet to see them. Besides, me and Katie and a few others are the only ones who actually come to meetings with writing exercises so as far as I'm concerned, if anyone has an issue with the exercises, put up or shut up. For some reason when he says things like that it irritates the crap out of me. I know I can be opinionated but it's always straight-forward. He says it in his whole 'let's be friends' sort of way and its actually even more insulting. I'm glad I'm not going to Chicago. I would be one irritated guy that entire trip. I dunno, I don't know why things Gavin's been saying lately have been bothering me.
Tom Balázs's class was awesome last night. I am really getting into this playwrighting thing. For the past two weeks a visiting playwright has been teaching our course. She was incredible and I learned so much from her. It seems to be a consensus from her and other professors and the Author's Society that my strongest suit is dialogue as far as my writing goes. I really want to work on honing the other aspects of my writing but it's good to know that there is something that I am good at. Brandon, Lori, and Jeremy had their plays read and they all received some very positive feedback. I enjoyed all three. We also read a play called The Ferris Wheel written by the same guy who wrote Doubt. I've been really enjoying Dr. Balázs's class this semester. He's really broken out of his shell since I last took his class back in the Fall of 2007.
Today I went to work at CSAS and I helped two girls named Amanda and Chelsea fill out their FAFSAs and I made an appointment with another student for Friday. So far so good. And then Mrs. Thompson emailed me to tell me that I was going to be paid more than I initially thought I was so I was really happy about that.
I left a little early from CSAS to have lunch with Jeremiah. He and I don't get to hang out that much now that he works at Blue Cross / Blue Shield. He had 45-minutes so we drove to Southern Star and had a really quick lunch.
Michelle White's History of Modern Britain was very interesting. Our first exam in on Monday, February 9, 2009 so I am going to start studying for it. We learned about the French Revolution and the Reign of Terror from the view point of England. As usual Mark and William - the two know-it-alls in the class - were constantly interrupting Dr. White interjecting things that they probably felt were relevant to what she was lecturing on. All it did was annoy half the class and prevent Dr. White from finishing the lecture.
Sybil Baker's Publications course was down in the Sequoya Review Room. We broke up into our two groups - prose and poetry - and each group went into one of the cubicles in the basement of the UC. Katie, Gavin, Ashely, and I were the only prose people there so we cleaned up our cubicle which also doubles as the Author's Society cubicle and we got our computer set up. We all cleaned up some of the stories chosen for the Sequoya Review and we also added three more pieces to the journal based on the fact that we had nine more pages to fill. Things actually went well today and we got a lot done but afterwards we had a meeting with the Poet's Club Officers which were Trenna, Anne, and Emilia. We were discussing what to do as far as writing exercises go for the joint meeting being held next Tuesday. Trenna suggested that the poets write prose and vice-versa. The others had issues with this - except Emilia who can write both. Gavin then told me that he essentially dislikes my writing exercises because they force him out of his comfort zones. Gee, don't they all force us out of our comfort zones. Last time I checked, no one in Author's Society can write something perfect in fifteen minutes - at least I've yet to see them. Besides, me and Katie and a few others are the only ones who actually come to meetings with writing exercises so as far as I'm concerned, if anyone has an issue with the exercises, put up or shut up. For some reason when he says things like that it irritates the crap out of me. I know I can be opinionated but it's always straight-forward. He says it in his whole 'let's be friends' sort of way and its actually even more insulting. I'm glad I'm not going to Chicago. I would be one irritated guy that entire trip. I dunno, I don't know why things Gavin's been saying lately have been bothering me.
Tom Balázs's class was awesome last night. I am really getting into this playwrighting thing. For the past two weeks a visiting playwright has been teaching our course. She was incredible and I learned so much from her. It seems to be a consensus from her and other professors and the Author's Society that my strongest suit is dialogue as far as my writing goes. I really want to work on honing the other aspects of my writing but it's good to know that there is something that I am good at. Brandon, Lori, and Jeremy had their plays read and they all received some very positive feedback. I enjoyed all three. We also read a play called The Ferris Wheel written by the same guy who wrote Doubt. I've been really enjoying Dr. Balázs's class this semester. He's really broken out of his shell since I last took his class back in the Fall of 2007.
Today I went to work at CSAS and I helped two girls named Amanda and Chelsea fill out their FAFSAs and I made an appointment with another student for Friday. So far so good. And then Mrs. Thompson emailed me to tell me that I was going to be paid more than I initially thought I was so I was really happy about that.
I left a little early from CSAS to have lunch with Jeremiah. He and I don't get to hang out that much now that he works at Blue Cross / Blue Shield. He had 45-minutes so we drove to Southern Star and had a really quick lunch.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Week 5 Begins ...
Today was a nice if not raining and dreary day. I got to CSAS around nine this morning, headed to my office, and I got to chill out for a bit and work on this scene in my story that's been utterly plaguing my existence. Just being dramatic but seriously it's been throwing me for a loop. So I made two appointments for Wednesday with two girls who were really friendly and who need scholarships and grants for college. I am so grateful to have this opportunity and I am so pleased to be sought after for help. It really makes me feel good. I've really been trying to be very positive and I've noticed that those around me are starting to gradually adopt the same mindset. I keep myself focused, relaxed, organized and music and writing helps. I've been listening to a lot of Jazmine Sullivan and 98 Degrees lately. Also Danity Kane has been in heavy rotation on my iPod ever since the five wonderful and talented women of that group disbanded for good last week.
I got to see my Livy Liv today at school. She was walking from class and heading to her locker. I tried to play it cool because CSAS is her turf and not mine. I showed her my office and I'm glad to be working in the same building as my favorite cousin.
In Andrew Najberg's class today, we learned all about story and plot structure. We talked about the plots of Little Red Riding Hood, Fight Club and the dreaded Lord of the Rings saga. He also told us that we would all be writing a tandem story which I am really excited to do. Grace had to write a tandem story in Greg O'Dea's class last semester except hers was a lot more involved. In this class we'll each start off our own story and other members of the class will write on each other's stories. Sounds like a recipe for disaster but it should work.
Well in edition to all of that I had lunch with a guy from class named Clif who I view as my protege. I think he could be a great writer. I also made an A on my Spanish test which I was so psyched about. I really wanted to do well on the first exam to set the tone. Also today when I drove on campus, I saw Mark crossing the street walking towards Holt Hall and he spotted me and I pretended not to see him. He followed me into the lot so I parked way at the back of the lot and I walked all the way to the EMCS Building just to get away. I did not want to be bothered because I had an hour and a half between the time I arrived on campus to the time I had to be in Spanish. So I ran into Ashely and her fiance in the EMCS building and Ashely and I headed to the library and we talked for thirty minutes until she had to go to her STD meeting (Sigma Tau Delta not Sexually Transmitted Disease).
I hope tomorrow is just as rewarding as today which I am sure it will. It's apparently supposed to snow and stuff so who knows.
I got to see my Livy Liv today at school. She was walking from class and heading to her locker. I tried to play it cool because CSAS is her turf and not mine. I showed her my office and I'm glad to be working in the same building as my favorite cousin.
In Andrew Najberg's class today, we learned all about story and plot structure. We talked about the plots of Little Red Riding Hood, Fight Club and the dreaded Lord of the Rings saga. He also told us that we would all be writing a tandem story which I am really excited to do. Grace had to write a tandem story in Greg O'Dea's class last semester except hers was a lot more involved. In this class we'll each start off our own story and other members of the class will write on each other's stories. Sounds like a recipe for disaster but it should work.
Well in edition to all of that I had lunch with a guy from class named Clif who I view as my protege. I think he could be a great writer. I also made an A on my Spanish test which I was so psyched about. I really wanted to do well on the first exam to set the tone. Also today when I drove on campus, I saw Mark crossing the street walking towards Holt Hall and he spotted me and I pretended not to see him. He followed me into the lot so I parked way at the back of the lot and I walked all the way to the EMCS Building just to get away. I did not want to be bothered because I had an hour and a half between the time I arrived on campus to the time I had to be in Spanish. So I ran into Ashely and her fiance in the EMCS building and Ashely and I headed to the library and we talked for thirty minutes until she had to go to her STD meeting (Sigma Tau Delta not Sexually Transmitted Disease).
I hope tomorrow is just as rewarding as today which I am sure it will. It's apparently supposed to snow and stuff so who knows.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Lyrics of the Week - Lions, Tigers & Bears by Jazmine Sullivan
I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears
But I'm scared of loving you
I'm not scared to perform at a student affair
But I'm scared of loving you
Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task
Why it don't last is that too much to ask
Why do we love love, when love seems to hate us
Sorry if I sound so filled with gloom
You say you care and I know you do
But this is from my experience
And my conclusion only makes sense
Just 'cause I love you and you love me
It doesn't mean that we're meant to be
I can climb mountains, swim cross the sea
But the most frightening thing is you and me
I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears
But I'm scared of loving you
I'm not scared to perform at a student affair
But I'm scared of loving you
Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task
Why it don't last is that too much to ask
Why do we love love, when love seems to hate us
Most circumstances, I know might fade
But in this love thing, I don't get the game
Why does it feel like those who give in
They only wind up losing a friend
Just 'cause I love you and you love me
It doesn't me that we'll ever be
Fly cross the ocean, sing for the Queen
But the most frightening thing is you and me
I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears
But I'm scared of loving you
I'm not scared to perform at a student affair
But I'm scared of loving you
Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task
Why it don't last is that too much to ask
Why do we love love, when love seems to hate us
I'm not sure thought
I'm not sure
But if we never try we'll never know
It's better to love than not to love at all
Not trying is worst than to stumble and fall
And if we do, I'd rather it be with you
Cos at least there will be, sweet memories
Oh I'm not scared ...
I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears
But I'm scared of loving you
I'm not scared to perform at a student affair
But I'm scared of loving you
Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task
Why it don't last is that too much to ask
Why do we love love, when love seems to hate us
But I'm scared of loving you
I'm not scared to perform at a student affair
But I'm scared of loving you
Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task
Why it don't last is that too much to ask
Why do we love love, when love seems to hate us
Sorry if I sound so filled with gloom
You say you care and I know you do
But this is from my experience
And my conclusion only makes sense
Just 'cause I love you and you love me
It doesn't mean that we're meant to be
I can climb mountains, swim cross the sea
But the most frightening thing is you and me
I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears
But I'm scared of loving you
I'm not scared to perform at a student affair
But I'm scared of loving you
Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task
Why it don't last is that too much to ask
Why do we love love, when love seems to hate us
Most circumstances, I know might fade
But in this love thing, I don't get the game
Why does it feel like those who give in
They only wind up losing a friend
Just 'cause I love you and you love me
It doesn't me that we'll ever be
Fly cross the ocean, sing for the Queen
But the most frightening thing is you and me
I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears
But I'm scared of loving you
I'm not scared to perform at a student affair
But I'm scared of loving you
Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task
Why it don't last is that too much to ask
Why do we love love, when love seems to hate us
I'm not sure thought
I'm not sure
But if we never try we'll never know
It's better to love than not to love at all
Not trying is worst than to stumble and fall
And if we do, I'd rather it be with you
Cos at least there will be, sweet memories
Oh I'm not scared ...
I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears
But I'm scared of loving you
I'm not scared to perform at a student affair
But I'm scared of loving you
Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task
Why it don't last is that too much to ask
Why do we love love, when love seems to hate us
My First February Post ...
It's been a great weekend and week. I feel that I got a lot accomplished. I feel that I am further moving into this new phase of adulthood and I must say that I am enjoying every minute of it. I started at Chattanooga School for the Arts & Sciences (CSAS) last Friday and I was blown away by both the students and the faculty's reception of me. Now when I was a peer counselor at Central High School - my Alma-Mater - I felt like a stranger in my own land so to speak. The guidance counselor, Dr. Smith, at CSAS really went out of her way to make sure that I felt at home. She took me around to all the senior homerooms and allowed me to introduce myself to the students and they were all very welcoming. It was such a shocker. My cousin Olivia goes to CSAS and I'm a bit envious of her. The school is a place that I feel all parents should enroll their children.
In Andrew Najberg's class today, we workshopped me and Cliff's two-page descriptions of a town or place's origin. I created this fictional town of Minor Springs that my new story is going to be set in. Everyone seemed to like the descriptions, including the part where one of the women in the town murders her husband and nails him to the tree in their front yard. I really appreciated the feedback from the class and Andrew. Cliff's two-pager was about the origin of Bowser's castle in the Super Mario universe. I thought it was clever and an interesting subject to write on. Andrew compared me and Cliff's stories saying that they were on completely opposite ends of a spectrum. I tend to go for the ultra-realistic while Cliff goes for a fantasy/surrealistic approach.
I've been listening to a lot of music lately and I've become infatuated, recently, with this Jazmine Sullivan single called Lions, Tigers & Bears. It's a beautiful song set against a sea of lilting strings. Jazmine laments about the fact that she doesn't have the mortal fears than many men and women have such as being afraid of lions, tigers, and bears but she does fear falling in love and the possible rejections that could come with that. I'm feeling a lot like that. I would love to be in a relationship. I would love to have that one person that I could just sit back with at the end of the day and just unload all of my issues, my insecurities, and my thoughts on and vice-versa. But in the end I'm afraid to take that step. Taking that step is the equivalent of possibly being mauled by a lion, a tiger, or a bear. I have issues with trust. I've been wronged and hurt before and the walls around me keep getting thicker. But isn't that what love is about? Risk taking? Knowing that you can be wronged or hurt?
Speaking of taking risks, I'm somewhat looking forward to moving on after graduation. I'm feeling suffocated. Not at home. I love living at home with my mom and having access to my family. I love that feeling. I feel crowded on campus. I feel insecure on campus, especially in the classroom. I second-guess myself. I feel that i bring a lot to the table but a lot of times I think people think that I'm not as smart as I am therefore they right me off as not being as informed or knowledgeable on the tasks at hand. I just think I'm getting to that point where I need to try something new. I need something that is my own. That's what I like about working at CSAS. It's me alone and I don't have to share this with anyone else. There's no competition so there's honestly no insecurities. This job really came at the best time in my life. It gives me a chance to get out the Financial Aid office and off campus to go help others. I love helping others and I was telling Jeremiah today that maybe I would like to work in a high school environment, in what capacity I do not know.
In Andrew Najberg's class today, we workshopped me and Cliff's two-page descriptions of a town or place's origin. I created this fictional town of Minor Springs that my new story is going to be set in. Everyone seemed to like the descriptions, including the part where one of the women in the town murders her husband and nails him to the tree in their front yard. I really appreciated the feedback from the class and Andrew. Cliff's two-pager was about the origin of Bowser's castle in the Super Mario universe. I thought it was clever and an interesting subject to write on. Andrew compared me and Cliff's stories saying that they were on completely opposite ends of a spectrum. I tend to go for the ultra-realistic while Cliff goes for a fantasy/surrealistic approach.
I've been listening to a lot of music lately and I've become infatuated, recently, with this Jazmine Sullivan single called Lions, Tigers & Bears. It's a beautiful song set against a sea of lilting strings. Jazmine laments about the fact that she doesn't have the mortal fears than many men and women have such as being afraid of lions, tigers, and bears but she does fear falling in love and the possible rejections that could come with that. I'm feeling a lot like that. I would love to be in a relationship. I would love to have that one person that I could just sit back with at the end of the day and just unload all of my issues, my insecurities, and my thoughts on and vice-versa. But in the end I'm afraid to take that step. Taking that step is the equivalent of possibly being mauled by a lion, a tiger, or a bear. I have issues with trust. I've been wronged and hurt before and the walls around me keep getting thicker. But isn't that what love is about? Risk taking? Knowing that you can be wronged or hurt?
Speaking of taking risks, I'm somewhat looking forward to moving on after graduation. I'm feeling suffocated. Not at home. I love living at home with my mom and having access to my family. I love that feeling. I feel crowded on campus. I feel insecure on campus, especially in the classroom. I second-guess myself. I feel that i bring a lot to the table but a lot of times I think people think that I'm not as smart as I am therefore they right me off as not being as informed or knowledgeable on the tasks at hand. I just think I'm getting to that point where I need to try something new. I need something that is my own. That's what I like about working at CSAS. It's me alone and I don't have to share this with anyone else. There's no competition so there's honestly no insecurities. This job really came at the best time in my life. It gives me a chance to get out the Financial Aid office and off campus to go help others. I love helping others and I was telling Jeremiah today that maybe I would like to work in a high school environment, in what capacity I do not know.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
