If I begged and if I cried
Would it change the sky tonight
Would it give me some light?
Should I wait for you to call
Is there any hope at all
Are you drifting by?
When I think about it
I know that I was never held
Or even cared
The more I think about it
The less that I was able to share
With you
I try to reach for you I
Can almost feel you,
You're nearly here
And then
You disappear
Disappear, disappear, disappear
(You disappear)
Disappear, disappear, disappear
When I lie all by myself
I see you face, I hear your voice
My heart stays faithful
And time has come and time has passed
If it's good it's got to last
It feels so right
When I think about it
I know that I was never held
Or even caredThe more I think about it
The less that I was able to share
With youI try to reach for you I
Can almost feel you,You're nearly here
And then
You disappear
Disappear, disappear, disappear
(You disappear)
Disappear, disappear, disappear
(You disappear)
Disappear, disappear, disappear
You disappear
I missed all the signs
One at a time
You were ready
What did I know
Starting our lives
And my love I'm ready to shine
When I think about it
I know that I was never held
Or even cared
The more I think about it
The less that I was able to share
With you
I try to reach for you I
Can almost feel you,
You're nearly here
And then
You disappear
Disappear, disappear, disappear
(You disappear)
Disappear, disappear, disappear
(You disappear)
Disappear, disappear, disappear
You disappear
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
XXIV
So I'm 24.
And I am supposed to feel this sort of renewal within me making this transition from 23 to 24. I don't really feel any different. I'm feeling very anxious, very repressed, very oppressed, like a caged bird that was never supposed to be trapped in the first place. And if I was given my freedom, would I even know what to do with it? If the door was open, would I still remain in the cage.
So I'm 24.
And between foolishness and maturity. I have watched those my age marry, divorce, have children, graduate college, get jobs, travel. I feel like the runner who didn't hear the gun go off at the start of the race. I know everyone has their own pace, their own drum that they march to. I am feeling in a rut. I want to graduate but I'm unsure of the life that waits for me after that diploma is placed in my hand. I have seen how the real world has changed my friends. 9 to 5s are not for me and people scoff at my dreams of doing something that will only afford happiness and contentment in my life. Why should I be practical at the expense of my dreams. At what point does the vicious cycle end?
So I'm 24.
And single. Experience is limited. Relationships are alluring? Am I ready for a relationship? I am a selfish person to an extent. I have never had to share. It has always been me. I want someone to talk to on the deepest level, no exteriors, only baring my innermost workings. I want someone who will trust me enough to do the same.
So I'm 24.
And patience is wearing thin. I want something of my own. Something that sets me apart from others. Something that I can be proud of. I'm tired of being pigeon-holed, stereotyped, generalized, etc. I am Bryce Lee Wynn and I want everyone to see that. I am 3-dimensional. I am highly-intelligent though drastically flawed. Love me or hate me. I am not perfect nor do I strive to be. I want to be able to say what I feel and not be misunderstood anymore.
So I'm 24.
And I should be happy. I think I am happy. I think I could be happier. In some ways I fear happiness.
So I'm 24.
And I am supposed to feel this sort of renewal within me making this transition from 23 to 24. I don't really feel any different. I'm feeling very anxious, very repressed, very oppressed, like a caged bird that was never supposed to be trapped in the first place. And if I was given my freedom, would I even know what to do with it? If the door was open, would I still remain in the cage.
So I'm 24.
And between foolishness and maturity. I have watched those my age marry, divorce, have children, graduate college, get jobs, travel. I feel like the runner who didn't hear the gun go off at the start of the race. I know everyone has their own pace, their own drum that they march to. I am feeling in a rut. I want to graduate but I'm unsure of the life that waits for me after that diploma is placed in my hand. I have seen how the real world has changed my friends. 9 to 5s are not for me and people scoff at my dreams of doing something that will only afford happiness and contentment in my life. Why should I be practical at the expense of my dreams. At what point does the vicious cycle end?
So I'm 24.
And single. Experience is limited. Relationships are alluring? Am I ready for a relationship? I am a selfish person to an extent. I have never had to share. It has always been me. I want someone to talk to on the deepest level, no exteriors, only baring my innermost workings. I want someone who will trust me enough to do the same.
So I'm 24.
And patience is wearing thin. I want something of my own. Something that sets me apart from others. Something that I can be proud of. I'm tired of being pigeon-holed, stereotyped, generalized, etc. I am Bryce Lee Wynn and I want everyone to see that. I am 3-dimensional. I am highly-intelligent though drastically flawed. Love me or hate me. I am not perfect nor do I strive to be. I want to be able to say what I feel and not be misunderstood anymore.
So I'm 24.
And I should be happy. I think I am happy. I think I could be happier. In some ways I fear happiness.
So I'm 24.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Day #1 of Birthday Extravaganza
Instead of feeling blue about my aging, I decided to take matters into my own hands and make this the best birthday celebration ever. Last year's birthday was not enjoyable. I made the mistake of trying to bridge the gap between my old friends and new friends and most of my old friends really showed their true colors and now we have parted ways. I think that I now have a great group of people around me and my plan is to spend time with each of them.
Saturday I wanted to go roller skating. I wanted Katie there but she was going to be in Birmingham. But everyone else could go so I will go twice just so Katie can come. Kristen, Josh, Grace, and Clif all met me at Hamilton Skate Place and we had a blast. I don't skate that well but a lot of it was me not trusting myself not to fall. I only fell once and that was when Josh got in the way of three eight year old girls who were skating in a line. Well those girls then promptly got in my way so it was either fall or take three girls down with me so I latched onto the girl at the back of the line and we all fell. It was funny in retrospect. I had a great time. It was good to be surrounded by good people.
Saturday I wanted to go roller skating. I wanted Katie there but she was going to be in Birmingham. But everyone else could go so I will go twice just so Katie can come. Kristen, Josh, Grace, and Clif all met me at Hamilton Skate Place and we had a blast. I don't skate that well but a lot of it was me not trusting myself not to fall. I only fell once and that was when Josh got in the way of three eight year old girls who were skating in a line. Well those girls then promptly got in my way so it was either fall or take three girls down with me so I latched onto the girl at the back of the line and we all fell. It was funny in retrospect. I had a great time. It was good to be surrounded by good people.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Lyrics of the Week - Comfortable by John Mayer
I just remembered that time at the market
Snuck up behind me and climbed on my shopping cart
And rode down, aisle five
You looked behind you to smile back at me
Crashed into a rack full of magazines
They asked us, if we could leave
Can't we remember
What went wrong last September
Though I'm sure that you'd remember
If you had to
Our love was
Comfortable and
So broken in
I sleep with this new girl I'm still getting used to
My friends all approve, say she's gonna be good for you
They throw me, high-fives
She said the Bible is all that she reads
And prefers that I not use profanity
Your mouth was, so dirty
Life of the party
And she swears that she's artsy
But you could distinguish
Miles from Coltrane
Our love was
Comfortable and
So broken in
She's perfect
So flawless
Or so they say, say
She thinks I can't see the smile that she's fakin
Poses for pictures that aren't being taken
I love you, grey sweatpants, no makeup, so flawless
Our love was
Comfortable and
So broken in
She's perfect
So flawless
I'm not impressed, I want you back
Snuck up behind me and climbed on my shopping cart
And rode down, aisle five
You looked behind you to smile back at me
Crashed into a rack full of magazines
They asked us, if we could leave
Can't we remember
What went wrong last September
Though I'm sure that you'd remember
If you had to
Our love was
Comfortable and
So broken in
I sleep with this new girl I'm still getting used to
My friends all approve, say she's gonna be good for you
They throw me, high-fives
She said the Bible is all that she reads
And prefers that I not use profanity
Your mouth was, so dirty
Life of the party
And she swears that she's artsy
But you could distinguish
Miles from Coltrane
Our love was
Comfortable and
So broken in
She's perfect
So flawless
Or so they say, say
She thinks I can't see the smile that she's fakin
Poses for pictures that aren't being taken
I love you, grey sweatpants, no makeup, so flawless
Our love was
Comfortable and
So broken in
She's perfect
So flawless
I'm not impressed, I want you back
A Letter From Katie ...
Today was an interesting day. I was at work and I was looking for a highlighter so while rummaging through the front pocket of my backpack, I stumbled upon a letter with my name on it. I opened it and immediately saw that it was from Katie. I started reading the letter which referenced an earlier blog of mine. In this blog I wrote about how much I disliked my Publications class. I was very frustrated when I wrote the blog. I remember that day not being a good day. I don't feel like I have many friends or people I can relate to in that class and on some level I feel that those feelings have not changed. What has changed is that I no longer dislike the class. I get frustrated easily in that class because I feel like I'm often talked over or talked down to. I explained all of these to Katie all while assuring her that I never meant to insinuate that her friendship meant nothing to me. That couldn't be any farther from the truth. The truth of the situation, as I further explained in my letter to her, is that I have an inferior complex which seems silly even to me. I know what I can do and I know what I offer as both a writer and someone who knows what people like, but somehow I allow the other people in this class to make me feel inferior.
I went over to Katie's apartment before class today to deliver the letter and to talk to her about her nonfiction class. It was really nice to sit down and talk to someone who I feel understands me as both a writer and a human being. We talked about everything from racism to relationships and it was a breath of fresh air and truly a highlight of my day. Katie is a very intelligent young woman and I find myself learning so much from her everyday. I just really hope she knows that I do value her friendship and that she is one of the closest friends I have right now.
I got to grade senior papers today for Mrs. Dees at CSAS.
Today in Andrew Najberg's Creative Writing class we discussed various nonfiction pieces that were in the nonfiction chapter in Burroway. Before class I told Andrew that I had writer's block and I was having trouble shifting from writing plays/screenplays to writing nonfiction/fiction/poetry. I am literally getting a taste of all genres this semester and it's leaving me a bit confused. He did give me some insight on how to remedy my problem. He told me to write about the blank screen I am sitting in front of. It sounded completely bizarre to me but I'm like hey, some of the most bizarre things can produce the most intriguing things. I am gonna take him up on his advice when I am faced with writer's block.
In Spanish, Regina Ragon's fiance stepped in for her in our class. He is a very interesting guy. He's Argentine and he told us all about Argentina and its culture.
Overall today was a great day.
I went over to Katie's apartment before class today to deliver the letter and to talk to her about her nonfiction class. It was really nice to sit down and talk to someone who I feel understands me as both a writer and a human being. We talked about everything from racism to relationships and it was a breath of fresh air and truly a highlight of my day. Katie is a very intelligent young woman and I find myself learning so much from her everyday. I just really hope she knows that I do value her friendship and that she is one of the closest friends I have right now.
I got to grade senior papers today for Mrs. Dees at CSAS.
Today in Andrew Najberg's Creative Writing class we discussed various nonfiction pieces that were in the nonfiction chapter in Burroway. Before class I told Andrew that I had writer's block and I was having trouble shifting from writing plays/screenplays to writing nonfiction/fiction/poetry. I am literally getting a taste of all genres this semester and it's leaving me a bit confused. He did give me some insight on how to remedy my problem. He told me to write about the blank screen I am sitting in front of. It sounded completely bizarre to me but I'm like hey, some of the most bizarre things can produce the most intriguing things. I am gonna take him up on his advice when I am faced with writer's block.
In Spanish, Regina Ragon's fiance stepped in for her in our class. He is a very interesting guy. He's Argentine and he told us all about Argentina and its culture.
Overall today was a great day.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Reviewing Week 6 While in the Throws of Week 7
Last week was definitely interesting. It was definitely a series of ups and downs for me. Wednesday we had another Author's Society meeting which was presided over by Gavin. I thought he did a great job keeping us all on task. I even liked the writing exercise he gave which entailed each of in attendance writing an Anti-Valentine's Day story using a word that was given to us by another member. We had two new people come and I hope that they are interested. Most of the current members are not showing up and pretty much the only faithfuls are me, Katie, Gavin, Emilia, Ashely, Josh, Brandon, and Travis. Everyone else claims to be too busy and I hate that excuse because I'm managing just fine with all the stuff I have to do. People do what they want to do. How hard is it to put aside an hour and a half a week to meet?
Sybil Baker had me preside over class in lieu of her absence on Thursday. She, Dr. Jackson, Gavin, Trenna, Emilia, Adam, and Katie all went to Chicago for the AWP Conference. So I basically divided the seven of us that showed up for class into prose / poetry groups. The prose group drafted a rejection letter for submissions that we did not choose to go into this year's Sequoya Review, and the poetry group brainstormed a list of things that would like to see on the Sequoya Review's website. Overall, I think it all went well. We readjourned and went over what we all had and then I let them go.
V-Day was uneventful. I stayed home, cleaned house and did the laundry. I did go play video games with Clif for awhile and then came back home.
This week started off okay. Schools were out for President's Day so I didn't go to CSAS.
Sybil Baker had me preside over class in lieu of her absence on Thursday. She, Dr. Jackson, Gavin, Trenna, Emilia, Adam, and Katie all went to Chicago for the AWP Conference. So I basically divided the seven of us that showed up for class into prose / poetry groups. The prose group drafted a rejection letter for submissions that we did not choose to go into this year's Sequoya Review, and the poetry group brainstormed a list of things that would like to see on the Sequoya Review's website. Overall, I think it all went well. We readjourned and went over what we all had and then I let them go.
V-Day was uneventful. I stayed home, cleaned house and did the laundry. I did go play video games with Clif for awhile and then came back home.
This week started off okay. Schools were out for President's Day so I didn't go to CSAS.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Lyrics of the Week - Do You Realize by the Flaming Lips
Do you realize
That you have, the most, beautiful face
Do you realize
We're floating in space
Do you realize
That happiness makes you cry
Do you realize
That everyone, you know, some day, will die
But instead of saying all of your goodbyes
Let them know you realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
Realize the sun don't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning 'round
Do you realize - oh, oh oh
Do you realize
That everyone, you know, someday, will die
And instead of saying all of your goodbyes
Let them know you realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
Realize the sun don't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning 'round
Do you realize
That you have, the most, beautiful face
Do you realize
That you have, the most, beautiful face
Do you realize
We're floating in space
Do you realize
That happiness makes you cry
Do you realize
That everyone, you know, some day, will die
But instead of saying all of your goodbyes
Let them know you realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
Realize the sun don't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning 'round
Do you realize - oh, oh oh
Do you realize
That everyone, you know, someday, will die
And instead of saying all of your goodbyes
Let them know you realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
Realize the sun don't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning 'round
Do you realize
That you have, the most, beautiful face
Do you realize
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