Lyrics of the Week - Disappear by Beyoncé

If I begged and if I cried
Would it change the sky tonight
Would it give me some light?

Should I wait for you to call
Is there any hope at all
Are you drifting by?

When I think about it
I know that I was never held
Or even cared
The more I think about it
The less that I was able to share
With you
I try to reach for you I
Can almost feel you,
You're nearly here
And then
You disappear

Disappear, disappear, disappear
(You disappear)
Disappear, disappear, disappear

When I lie all by myself
I see you face, I hear your voice
My heart stays faithful
And time has come and time has passed
If it's good it's got to last
It feels so right

When I think about it
I know that I was never held
Or even caredThe more I think about it
The less that I was able to share
With youI try to reach for you I
Can almost feel you,You're nearly here
And then
You disappear

Disappear, disappear, disappear
(You disappear)
Disappear, disappear, disappear
(You disappear)
Disappear, disappear, disappear
You disappear

I missed all the signs
One at a time
You were ready

What did I know
Starting our lives
And my love I'm ready to shine

When I think about it
I know that I was never held
Or even cared
The more I think about it
The less that I was able to share
With you
I try to reach for you I
Can almost feel you,
You're nearly here
And then
You disappear

Disappear, disappear, disappear
(You disappear)
Disappear, disappear, disappear
(You disappear)
Disappear, disappear, disappear
You disappear

XXIV

So I'm 24.

And I am supposed to feel this sort of renewal within me making this transition from 23 to 24. I don't really feel any different. I'm feeling very anxious, very repressed, very oppressed, like a caged bird that was never supposed to be trapped in the first place. And if I was given my freedom, would I even know what to do with it? If the door was open, would I still remain in the cage.

So I'm 24.

And between foolishness and maturity. I have watched those my age marry, divorce, have children, graduate college, get jobs, travel. I feel like the runner who didn't hear the gun go off at the start of the race. I know everyone has their own pace, their own drum that they march to. I am feeling in a rut. I want to graduate but I'm unsure of the life that waits for me after that diploma is placed in my hand. I have seen how the real world has changed my friends. 9 to 5s are not for me and people scoff at my dreams of doing something that will only afford happiness and contentment in my life. Why should I be practical at the expense of my dreams. At what point does the vicious cycle end?

So I'm 24.

And single. Experience is limited. Relationships are alluring? Am I ready for a relationship? I am a selfish person to an extent. I have never had to share. It has always been me. I want someone to talk to on the deepest level, no exteriors, only baring my innermost workings. I want someone who will trust me enough to do the same.

So I'm 24.

And patience is wearing thin. I want something of my own. Something that sets me apart from others. Something that I can be proud of. I'm tired of being pigeon-holed, stereotyped, generalized, etc. I am Bryce Lee Wynn and I want everyone to see that. I am 3-dimensional. I am highly-intelligent though drastically flawed. Love me or hate me. I am not perfect nor do I strive to be. I want to be able to say what I feel and not be misunderstood anymore.

So I'm 24.
And I should be happy. I think I am happy. I think I could be happier. In some ways I fear happiness.

So I'm 24.

Day #1 of Birthday Extravaganza

Instead of feeling blue about my aging, I decided to take matters into my own hands and make this the best birthday celebration ever. Last year's birthday was not enjoyable. I made the mistake of trying to bridge the gap between my old friends and new friends and most of my old friends really showed their true colors and now we have parted ways. I think that I now have a great group of people around me and my plan is to spend time with each of them.

Saturday I wanted to go roller skating. I wanted Katie there but she was going to be in Birmingham. But everyone else could go so I will go twice just so Katie can come. Kristen, Josh, Grace, and Clif all met me at Hamilton Skate Place and we had a blast. I don't skate that well but a lot of it was me not trusting myself not to fall. I only fell once and that was when Josh got in the way of three eight year old girls who were skating in a line. Well those girls then promptly got in my way so it was either fall or take three girls down with me so I latched onto the girl at the back of the line and we all fell. It was funny in retrospect. I had a great time. It was good to be surrounded by good people.

Lyrics of the Week - Comfortable by John Mayer

I just remembered that time at the market
Snuck up behind me and climbed on my shopping cart
And rode down, aisle five
You looked behind you to smile back at me
Crashed into a rack full of magazines
They asked us, if we could leave

Can't we remember
What went wrong last September
Though I'm sure that you'd remember
If you had to

Our love was
Comfortable and
So broken in

I sleep with this new girl I'm still getting used to
My friends all approve, say she's gonna be good for you
They throw me, high-fives
She said the Bible is all that she reads
And prefers that I not use profanity
Your mouth was, so dirty

Life of the party
And she swears that she's artsy
But you could distinguish
Miles from Coltrane

Our love was
Comfortable and
So broken in
She's perfect
So flawless
Or so they say, say

She thinks I can't see the smile that she's fakin
Poses for pictures that aren't being taken
I love you, grey sweatpants, no makeup, so flawless

Our love was
Comfortable and
So broken in
She's perfect
So flawless
I'm not impressed, I want you back

A Letter From Katie ...

Today was an interesting day. I was at work and I was looking for a highlighter so while rummaging through the front pocket of my backpack, I stumbled upon a letter with my name on it. I opened it and immediately saw that it was from Katie. I started reading the letter which referenced an earlier blog of mine. In this blog I wrote about how much I disliked my Publications class. I was very frustrated when I wrote the blog. I remember that day not being a good day. I don't feel like I have many friends or people I can relate to in that class and on some level I feel that those feelings have not changed. What has changed is that I no longer dislike the class. I get frustrated easily in that class because I feel like I'm often talked over or talked down to. I explained all of these to Katie all while assuring her that I never meant to insinuate that her friendship meant nothing to me. That couldn't be any farther from the truth. The truth of the situation, as I further explained in my letter to her, is that I have an inferior complex which seems silly even to me. I know what I can do and I know what I offer as both a writer and someone who knows what people like, but somehow I allow the other people in this class to make me feel inferior.

I went over to Katie's apartment before class today to deliver the letter and to talk to her about her nonfiction class. It was really nice to sit down and talk to someone who I feel understands me as both a writer and a human being. We talked about everything from racism to relationships and it was a breath of fresh air and truly a highlight of my day. Katie is a very intelligent young woman and I find myself learning so much from her everyday. I just really hope she knows that I do value her friendship and that she is one of the closest friends I have right now.

I got to grade senior papers today for Mrs. Dees at CSAS.

Today in Andrew Najberg's Creative Writing class we discussed various nonfiction pieces that were in the nonfiction chapter in Burroway. Before class I told Andrew that I had writer's block and I was having trouble shifting from writing plays/screenplays to writing nonfiction/fiction/poetry. I am literally getting a taste of all genres this semester and it's leaving me a bit confused. He did give me some insight on how to remedy my problem. He told me to write about the blank screen I am sitting in front of. It sounded completely bizarre to me but I'm like hey, some of the most bizarre things can produce the most intriguing things. I am gonna take him up on his advice when I am faced with writer's block.

In Spanish, Regina Ragon's fiance stepped in for her in our class. He is a very interesting guy. He's Argentine and he told us all about Argentina and its culture.

Overall today was a great day.

Reviewing Week 6 While in the Throws of Week 7

Last week was definitely interesting. It was definitely a series of ups and downs for me. Wednesday we had another Author's Society meeting which was presided over by Gavin. I thought he did a great job keeping us all on task. I even liked the writing exercise he gave which entailed each of in attendance writing an Anti-Valentine's Day story using a word that was given to us by another member. We had two new people come and I hope that they are interested. Most of the current members are not showing up and pretty much the only faithfuls are me, Katie, Gavin, Emilia, Ashely, Josh, Brandon, and Travis. Everyone else claims to be too busy and I hate that excuse because I'm managing just fine with all the stuff I have to do. People do what they want to do. How hard is it to put aside an hour and a half a week to meet?

Sybil Baker had me preside over class in lieu of her absence on Thursday. She, Dr. Jackson, Gavin, Trenna, Emilia, Adam, and Katie all went to Chicago for the AWP Conference. So I basically divided the seven of us that showed up for class into prose / poetry groups. The prose group drafted a rejection letter for submissions that we did not choose to go into this year's Sequoya Review, and the poetry group brainstormed a list of things that would like to see on the Sequoya Review's website. Overall, I think it all went well. We readjourned and went over what we all had and then I let them go.

V-Day was uneventful. I stayed home, cleaned house and did the laundry. I did go play video games with Clif for awhile and then came back home.

This week started off okay. Schools were out for President's Day so I didn't go to CSAS.

Lyrics of the Week - Do You Realize by the Flaming Lips

Do you realize
That you have, the most, beautiful face
Do you realize
We're floating in space
Do you realize
That happiness makes you cry
Do you realize
That everyone, you know, some day, will die
But instead of saying all of your goodbyes
Let them know you realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
Realize the sun don't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning 'round
Do you realize - oh, oh oh
Do you realize
That everyone, you know, someday, will die
And instead of saying all of your goodbyes
Let them know you realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
Realize the sun don't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning 'round
Do you realize
That you have, the most, beautiful face
Do you realize

Playing Catchup: Week 5 in Review ...

Last week, overall, was a great week. Thursday night I drove back to UTC to attend the Author's Society meeting which was held in the library. It was low attendance but I did run into Clif in the library and told him to come to the meeting. When I get there, Andrew Najberg - my Creative Writing professor was there which was a shock. I had sent our an email via the UTC Author's gmail account to him and Rebecca Cook because I know they both teach prose-oriented writing classes. I was glad that she showed up. In addition to the three of us, Josh, Katie, Brandon, Emilia, and Travis were there. It was an overall great meeting and even though attendance has dwindled at the meetings, there meetings have been more enjoyable in my opinion since certain rebel-rousers haven't been present.

Sybil Baker subbed for Andrew on Friday in Creative Writing and we all did this writing exercise that I had done in her fiction class a couple of semesters ago. What we did was we each wrote down a setting, a mood, two characters (their names and their descriptions, one round, one flat), and a plot. My plot was that my main character was on their way to a meeting and they got zipped up in their pants. My characters were Dale, a repressed, cold elementary school principal and Jezzbelle a former model turned elementary school secretary who was confident and comfortable with her blatant sexuality. My mood was sultry. My setting was the fictional town of Ecstacy where all your sexual fantasies come true. What we did was cut each of these out, mix them up, and we each got a random setting, set of characters, mood, and plot to write a short story on.

My piece ended up being about a young man who worked for the president who is sent to Iraq. He ends up slipping in an elevator and getting cut in half when the elevator closes on him and starts moving. I love the exercise and I thought it was fun.

Overall the week was awesome and I got some good sleep over the weekend. One day at a time I say.

Lyrics of the Day - Halo by Beyoncé

Remember those walls I built
Well baby they're tumbling down
They didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make a sound

I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of you halo
I've got my angel now

It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breaking
It's the risk that I'm taking
I ain't never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need in more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I can see your halo, halo, halo
I can see your halo, halo, halo
I can see your halo, halo, halo
I can see your halo, halo, halo

Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest nights
You're the only one that I want
I'm addicted to your light

I swore I never fall again
But this don't even feel like falling
Gravity can't forget
To pull me back to the ground again

It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breaking
It's the risk that I'm taking
I ain't never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need in more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I can see your halo, halo, halo
I can see your halo, halo, halo
I can see your halo, halo, halo
I can see your halo, halo, halo

Hump Day Musings

So far so good. Things have been going rather smoothly this week and I have been enjoying things. Yesterday I went to work at Financial Aid. I was pleased to find out that Mrs. Martin was back working. Mrs. Sansbury is nice and everything but she is a tad bit too moody for me. It can wear on my nerves after awhile. For the most part it was a quiet, chilled day at work. The counselors all had to go to an interview so Mrs. Thompson asked me to work up front for about an hour. Well while I was in the front office, this black guy with a very heavy accent came in asking about the Pell Grant. I explained to him what he needed to do which was fill out the FAFSA and then the guy passes gas and then tells me about it before he leaves the office. Ariel got a kick out of it and I was just appalled by the whole thing.

Michelle White's History of Modern Britain was very interesting. Our first exam in on Monday, February 9, 2009 so I am going to start studying for it. We learned about the French Revolution and the Reign of Terror from the view point of England. As usual Mark and William - the two know-it-alls in the class - were constantly interrupting Dr. White interjecting things that they probably felt were relevant to what she was lecturing on. All it did was annoy half the class and prevent Dr. White from finishing the lecture.

Sybil Baker's Publications course was down in the Sequoya Review Room. We broke up into our two groups - prose and poetry - and each group went into one of the cubicles in the basement of the UC. Katie, Gavin, Ashely, and I were the only prose people there so we cleaned up our cubicle which also doubles as the Author's Society cubicle and we got our computer set up. We all cleaned up some of the stories chosen for the Sequoya Review and we also added three more pieces to the journal based on the fact that we had nine more pages to fill. Things actually went well today and we got a lot done but afterwards we had a meeting with the Poet's Club Officers which were Trenna, Anne, and Emilia. We were discussing what to do as far as writing exercises go for the joint meeting being held next Tuesday. Trenna suggested that the poets write prose and vice-versa. The others had issues with this - except Emilia who can write both. Gavin then told me that he essentially dislikes my writing exercises because they force him out of his comfort zones. Gee, don't they all force us out of our comfort zones. Last time I checked, no one in Author's Society can write something perfect in fifteen minutes - at least I've yet to see them. Besides, me and Katie and a few others are the only ones who actually come to meetings with writing exercises so as far as I'm concerned, if anyone has an issue with the exercises, put up or shut up. For some reason when he says things like that it irritates the crap out of me. I know I can be opinionated but it's always straight-forward. He says it in his whole 'let's be friends' sort of way and its actually even more insulting. I'm glad I'm not going to Chicago. I would be one irritated guy that entire trip. I dunno, I don't know why things Gavin's been saying lately have been bothering me.

Tom Balázs's class was awesome last night. I am really getting into this playwrighting thing. For the past two weeks a visiting playwright has been teaching our course. She was incredible and I learned so much from her. It seems to be a consensus from her and other professors and the Author's Society that my strongest suit is dialogue as far as my writing goes. I really want to work on honing the other aspects of my writing but it's good to know that there is something that I am good at. Brandon, Lori, and Jeremy had their plays read and they all received some very positive feedback. I enjoyed all three. We also read a play called The Ferris Wheel written by the same guy who wrote Doubt. I've been really enjoying Dr. Balázs's class this semester. He's really broken out of his shell since I last took his class back in the Fall of 2007.

Today I went to work at CSAS and I helped two girls named Amanda and Chelsea fill out their FAFSAs and I made an appointment with another student for Friday. So far so good. And then Mrs. Thompson emailed me to tell me that I was going to be paid more than I initially thought I was so I was really happy about that.

I left a little early from CSAS to have lunch with Jeremiah. He and I don't get to hang out that much now that he works at Blue Cross / Blue Shield. He had 45-minutes so we drove to Southern Star and had a really quick lunch.

Week 5 Begins ...

Today was a nice if not raining and dreary day. I got to CSAS around nine this morning, headed to my office, and I got to chill out for a bit and work on this scene in my story that's been utterly plaguing my existence. Just being dramatic but seriously it's been throwing me for a loop. So I made two appointments for Wednesday with two girls who were really friendly and who need scholarships and grants for college. I am so grateful to have this opportunity and I am so pleased to be sought after for help. It really makes me feel good. I've really been trying to be very positive and I've noticed that those around me are starting to gradually adopt the same mindset. I keep myself focused, relaxed, organized and music and writing helps. I've been listening to a lot of Jazmine Sullivan and 98 Degrees lately. Also Danity Kane has been in heavy rotation on my iPod ever since the five wonderful and talented women of that group disbanded for good last week.

I got to see my Livy Liv today at school. She was walking from class and heading to her locker. I tried to play it cool because CSAS is her turf and not mine. I showed her my office and I'm glad to be working in the same building as my favorite cousin.

In Andrew Najberg's class today, we learned all about story and plot structure. We talked about the plots of Little Red Riding Hood, Fight Club and the dreaded Lord of the Rings saga. He also told us that we would all be writing a tandem story which I am really excited to do. Grace had to write a tandem story in Greg O'Dea's class last semester except hers was a lot more involved. In this class we'll each start off our own story and other members of the class will write on each other's stories. Sounds like a recipe for disaster but it should work.

Well in edition to all of that I had lunch with a guy from class named Clif who I view as my protege. I think he could be a great writer. I also made an A on my Spanish test which I was so psyched about. I really wanted to do well on the first exam to set the tone. Also today when I drove on campus, I saw Mark crossing the street walking towards Holt Hall and he spotted me and I pretended not to see him. He followed me into the lot so I parked way at the back of the lot and I walked all the way to the EMCS Building just to get away. I did not want to be bothered because I had an hour and a half between the time I arrived on campus to the time I had to be in Spanish. So I ran into Ashely and her fiance in the EMCS building and Ashely and I headed to the library and we talked for thirty minutes until she had to go to her STD meeting (Sigma Tau Delta not Sexually Transmitted Disease).

I hope tomorrow is just as rewarding as today which I am sure it will. It's apparently supposed to snow and stuff so who knows.

Lyrics of the Week - Lions, Tigers & Bears by Jazmine Sullivan

I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears
But I'm scared of loving you
I'm not scared to perform at a student affair
But I'm scared of loving you

Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task
Why it don't last is that too much to ask
Why do we love love, when love seems to hate us

Sorry if I sound so filled with gloom
You say you care and I know you do
But this is from my experience
And my conclusion only makes sense

Just 'cause I love you and you love me
It doesn't mean that we're meant to be
I can climb mountains, swim cross the sea
But the most frightening thing is you and me

I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears
But I'm scared of loving you
I'm not scared to perform at a student affair
But I'm scared of loving you

Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task
Why it don't last is that too much to ask
Why do we love love, when love seems to hate us

Most circumstances, I know might fade
But in this love thing, I don't get the game
Why does it feel like those who give in
They only wind up losing a friend

Just 'cause I love you and you love me
It doesn't me that we'll ever be
Fly cross the ocean, sing for the Queen
But the most frightening thing is you and me

I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears
But I'm scared of loving you
I'm not scared to perform at a student affair
But I'm scared of loving you

Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task
Why it don't last is that too much to ask
Why do we love love, when love seems to hate us

I'm not sure thought
I'm not sure
But if we never try we'll never know
It's better to love than not to love at all
Not trying is worst than to stumble and fall
And if we do, I'd rather it be with you
Cos at least there will be, sweet memories
Oh I'm not scared ...

I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears
But I'm scared of loving you
I'm not scared to perform at a student affair
But I'm scared of loving you

Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task
Why it don't last is that too much to ask
Why do we love love, when love seems to hate us

My First February Post ...

It's been a great weekend and week. I feel that I got a lot accomplished. I feel that I am further moving into this new phase of adulthood and I must say that I am enjoying every minute of it. I started at Chattanooga School for the Arts & Sciences (CSAS) last Friday and I was blown away by both the students and the faculty's reception of me. Now when I was a peer counselor at Central High School - my Alma-Mater - I felt like a stranger in my own land so to speak. The guidance counselor, Dr. Smith, at CSAS really went out of her way to make sure that I felt at home. She took me around to all the senior homerooms and allowed me to introduce myself to the students and they were all very welcoming. It was such a shocker. My cousin Olivia goes to CSAS and I'm a bit envious of her. The school is a place that I feel all parents should enroll their children.

In Andrew Najberg's class today, we workshopped me and Cliff's two-page descriptions of a town or place's origin. I created this fictional town of Minor Springs that my new story is going to be set in. Everyone seemed to like the descriptions, including the part where one of the women in the town murders her husband and nails him to the tree in their front yard. I really appreciated the feedback from the class and Andrew. Cliff's two-pager was about the origin of Bowser's castle in the Super Mario universe. I thought it was clever and an interesting subject to write on. Andrew compared me and Cliff's stories saying that they were on completely opposite ends of a spectrum. I tend to go for the ultra-realistic while Cliff goes for a fantasy/surrealistic approach.

I've been listening to a lot of music lately and I've become infatuated, recently, with this Jazmine Sullivan single called Lions, Tigers & Bears. It's a beautiful song set against a sea of lilting strings. Jazmine laments about the fact that she doesn't have the mortal fears than many men and women have such as being afraid of lions, tigers, and bears but she does fear falling in love and the possible rejections that could come with that. I'm feeling a lot like that. I would love to be in a relationship. I would love to have that one person that I could just sit back with at the end of the day and just unload all of my issues, my insecurities, and my thoughts on and vice-versa. But in the end I'm afraid to take that step. Taking that step is the equivalent of possibly being mauled by a lion, a tiger, or a bear. I have issues with trust. I've been wronged and hurt before and the walls around me keep getting thicker. But isn't that what love is about? Risk taking? Knowing that you can be wronged or hurt?

Speaking of taking risks, I'm somewhat looking forward to moving on after graduation. I'm feeling suffocated. Not at home. I love living at home with my mom and having access to my family. I love that feeling. I feel crowded on campus. I feel insecure on campus, especially in the classroom. I second-guess myself. I feel that i bring a lot to the table but a lot of times I think people think that I'm not as smart as I am therefore they right me off as not being as informed or knowledgeable on the tasks at hand. I just think I'm getting to that point where I need to try something new. I need something that is my own. That's what I like about working at CSAS. It's me alone and I don't have to share this with anyone else. There's no competition so there's honestly no insecurities. This job really came at the best time in my life. It gives me a chance to get out the Financial Aid office and off campus to go help others. I love helping others and I was telling Jeremiah today that maybe I would like to work in a high school environment, in what capacity I do not know.

Week 4 in Review

This has been an odd week for me so far as it comes to a close. I have been in a relatively good mood this week. For the most part I love my classes. I love Mondays because of Andrew Najberg's Creative Writing class (English 270). There are some great writers in that class and I find it increasingly amusing that I was once in their place four years ago at Tennessee Tech when I took my first Creative Writing class. I finally told Andrew that I am auditing because I was getting the feeling that he thought I was a student and being that I haven't been turning in all the assignments, I didn't want him to think that I was a slacker. He asked me what I wanted out of the course and I told him that I was looking to recharge my batteries as far as my writing goes. After taking Sybil Baker's Novel Workshop, I gradually grew out of the habit of writing short stories and I feel that short stories are my strong suit as far as my writing goes and I need to get back to basics so to speak. He told me to continue to turn in my work and he will regard it like the others' work.

I love Spanish 214 with Regina Ragon. I feel that while not being able to communicate verbally in Spanish, I have a great grasp on reading it. We had our first exam on Monday and I feel that I did okay. I got my Native Speaker and Mini Paper done and turned in on time and all my Quia done. I was very pleased about that. I love having Grace in there with me because it's like having someone who completely understands everything you're going through. She and I met up at the library on Sunday to study. Kyle was supposed to meet us there but he had pulled some extreme shifts over the weekend so he was hella exhausted. Don't blame him.

I absolutely love Michelle White's Modern British History course on Tuesdays and Thursdays. She is an excellent lecturer and she is so knowledgeable about British History. What annoys me is that this guy named William and my friend Mark feel the need to constantly interject bits of sometimes irrelevant sometimes relevant knowledge and I can tell that Dr. White gets extremely irritated by this. The two of them have no self-awareness. I would like to think that I would immediately pick up on something like this but they obviously feel this need to show how intelligent they are.

My least favorite course is Sybil Baker's Publications course. Don't get me wrong, I love Sybil and she has helped my writing so much but I'm not a fan of the class. I feel so out of my element in that class. I don't have someone to make me feel comfortable and I also have this unfounded inferior complex. Of course it's mostly Honors and poets in the class and I've always felt that the English Department favors the Honors and the Poets. I know this is probably not the case but they're all friends and they all live in the same place or lived in the same place at one point therefore they all have this rapport. I do like having Kristen and Katie in there. Ashely's with Gavin. I was supposed to go to Chicago for AWP but I decided not to go because it was Adam, Trenna, Katie, Emilia and Gavin and honestly I just saw myself feeling ten times what I feel in Publications class in that group dynamic. I don't have much in common with those guys on the whole and I did not want to be miserable in another state. Plus there was the whole let's get plane tickets and stuff. I don't have plane ticket money. I have a tux to buy for AJ's wedding coming up. It's just really frustrating and on top of things Gavin made a black joke in class and it's always assumed that I'll be okay with it because I'm always the token black guy. I hate that and maybe I should voice the fact that I hate it. It was even more shocking coming from Gavin because normally he's the PC police of the group. I don't know. I was not feeling class today and we're doing these stupid presentations and everyone is doing PowerPoint and I'm bored out of my mind and I would rather be working on the website instead of spending an hour and a half listening to someone read off a PowerPoint presentation. There, I feel better.

I love Dr. Balázs's Screenwriting / Playwrighting course. At first I dreaded it because I was wondering if I'd made a mistake by signing up for something that I was not quite familiar with. But things changed when Dr. Balázs brought in this playwright and she gave us some awesome advice, much of it which mirrored Dr. Balázs's advice. She asked for volunteers to read one of her plays about a doctor feeling guilty for not helping a woman who ended up dying in her yard. Me and Karla ended up reading and I really enjoyed the intimacy of the script. Also she asked for volunteers to read their own works in progress so I read my scene with Kelly and Layne (the twins) and she and the class and Dr. Balázs gave me awesome advice and it sort of boosted my confidence a bit. I now feel that I can really make something out of taking this class. I'm really digging writing plays.

I've discovered this inner-peace while being alone and writing at home. My life is so hectic while on campus that I literally crave being at home and in front of my laptop or notebook. I frustrate easily but I try to keep positive. I feel that sometimes I am very misunderstood. Maybe I'm getting older and seeing things differently. I do feel a bit different. Things are gradually coming into perspective for me and I am trying to learn from previous mistakes and plan for things up the road while still living my life. It's difficult but I've learned to value the small things and I'm learning the importance of taking things one step at a time.

Lyrics of the Week - Superstar by the Carpenters

Long ago
And oh so far away
I fell in love with you
Before the second show

Your guitar
It sounds so sweet and clear
But you're not really here
It's just the radio

Don't you remember you told me you loved me baby
You said you be coming back this way again maybe
Baby baby baby baby oh baby
I love you
I really do

Loneliness
Is such a sad affair
And I can't hardly wait
To be with you again

What's it take
To make you come again
Come back to me again
And play you sad guitar

Don't you remember you told me you loved me baby
You said you be coming back this way again maybe
Baby baby baby baby oh baby
I love you, I really do

Don't you remember you told me you loved me baby
You said you be coming back this way again maybe
Baby baby baby baby oh baby
I love you, I really do

A story in progress ...

I have been working on a long piece that I am really excited about. It's about a set of twins and the story takes place during three crucial time periods in their young lives: High School, College, and Early Adulthood. Both William Kelly and William Layne (both share the same first name but go by their middle names to distinguish themselves from each other) are fraternal twins and they lead two different lives. William Kelly is more of the artsy type, often involved in the school plays, showcases, etc. He is also very outgoing and for the most part well-liked by most of his peers. William Layne does fairly well in school and into baseball. He plays on the baseball team and he also likes to paint though the latter is not something he is open about. He, like his twin, is well liked but much more mild-mannered. The two of them live in Minor Springs, a very, very small town. They have a father, Jack, who runs a family-owned hardware store, and Laverne, a third grade school teacher. William Kelly takes more after their mother and William Layne after their father. William Kelly looks after his brother, but William Layne often steps in to defend his brother whenever he is teased or bullied.

In college, William Kelly goes to a university in Atlanta and becomes involved in Communications and Business Management while William Layne attends a college near Minor Springs. William Layne is recruited by the college's baseball team but during his junior year, he quits playing due to an injury. Soon after he drops out of college and has a daughter, Deana by a young woman named Jennifer. The two of them get married. William Kelly graduates, double major, and eventually moves to New York City where he works as an assistant for an up and coming singer / actress.

In present, William Layne is living with his wife, Jennifer, and their two children Deana and Jack in Minor Springs while William Kelly lives in New York City working as a manager for a singer / actress. The two brothers are reunited but not under the best circumstances. I am excited to see where this story goes.

The Other Day the Music Died ...

Well it's official though I've known it to be true for a few months now. The music sensation Danity Kane is officially no more. The group initially self-destructed upon the dismissal of members Aubrey O'Day and Wanita 'D. Woods' Woodgette. Then there were rumors that Shannon Bex, another member, had left late in 2008. Today it was officially confirmed by member Dawn Richard who I'd pinpointed as the catalyst for the breaking up of one of my favorite girl groups since Destiny's Child.

Yes, Danity Kane was a manufactured R&B / Pop girl group. Yes, Sean 'Puffy / P.Diddy / Puff Daddy / Diddy' Combs rallied several young women together, made them dance, made them sing, cursed at them, made them sweat before finally settling on members Aubrey O'Day, Aundrea Fimbres, Shannon Bex, Wanita 'D. Woods' Woodgette, and Dawn Richard. I and many others watched them make their album on MTV's Making the Band and in October of 2006, they released their first album, eponymously named.

After two tours and two albums, the young ladies have all gone their separate ways and it was a bittersweet parting, especially when two girls were asked to pack their bags by Sean Combs. For someone who says that he has the Midas Touch, Sean Combs has ruined more careers. These five young women were extremely motivated and very talented. Hopefully they will all find success. With that said, Rest In Peace Danity Kane. We hardly knew ye.

On Finish One of the Best Novels I Have Ever Read

I had first heard about Christopher Rice while perusing the Anne Rice's entry on Wikipedia.org. While I am not a fan of horror novels, especially ones of the vampire variety, but when I found out that her son, Christopher Rice, wrote thriller novels, I immediately logged onto his website and read about the four books he has published to date. His first one was published in 2000 and it's called A Density of Souls. So I immediately went to iTunes and I downloaded the book on Tuesday and as of 4:15 PM today I finished it. It was over eight and a half hours of the excitment and raw emotion and I'm sure that if I had it in book form, I wouldn't have been able to sit it down.

The story's central characters are Stephen Conlin, Meredith Ducote, Greg Darby and Brandon Charbonnet, four characters who are the closest of friends in childhood. Once high school starts, the four of them go their separate ways: Greg and Brandon become football players, Meredith a cheerleader, and Stephen a part of the drama department at Cannon, a prep school in New Orleans. As the years past, once close friends become bitter enemies as anger, hate, and death rage against the backdrop of New Orleans.

This was a beautiful, intricate tale where the author ties every loose string into a neat little bow by the novel's end. I literally fell in love with this book and I want to write things that make me feel the way this novel did. The prose was flawless, the characters heartbreakingly realistic, and the plot was neatly woven and carefully thought out. Most of all, this novel has inspired me to read more of Christopher Rice's books and to start writing even more.

Credo Updated

I believe that things get better over time. Sure, we all have those moments where it seems that the darkness will never lift but I believe - I have to believe - that the sun will eventually shine again. I also believe that we all should learn to value those moments in the darkness for these moments oft lead to an appreciation of the light when it indeed returns to us. Also, I believe that we shouldn't take the light for granted because darkness is always lurking around the corner.

I believe that everyone should believe in something. I have so much respect for people who stand for something, even when that something is something that is contrary to something I believe. I do not respect people who don't believe in anything. Even if you don't believe in anything, i believe you should have a belief in that thing you are not believing in.

I believe in love. I believe that love does exist in many forms and that love is assessable to all that desire to have it. I am afraid of love. I am afraid of the path that love will lead me down. I am afraid of loving and even more afraid of being loved by someone who will have this undeniable, unshakable, everlasting love for me. I am afraid of hurting someone, especially when love is at state. I cannot bear the thought of hurting someone who truly loves me.

I believe in a higher power. I believe in God. I believe that he is watching, I believe that he is with us every moment of the day. I take comfort in this belief. It's the reason why I can lay my head down on my pillow and fall fast asleep without an overwhelming fear of the outside world. It's the reason why i can get in my car everyday and drive to work, to school. I believe that my connection to God is on a level that only he and I understand. I talk to him everyday and I request his guidance, his patience, his understanding and I trust that everything in my life is governed by his power.

I believe that life goes on and should go on even in moments where we wish that it would either cease or slow down.

I believe that children are perhaps the greatest aspect of life. Because of this, I fear children. I fear having children but that should not suggest that I wouldn't want to be a father. In fact, I would love to be a father but I am terrified of such. I realize that no parent is perfect. No child is perfect. I am scared that my actions and my direction will directly influence and shape my son or my daughter and perhaps lead them down a path that I fear is not a good path for them.

I believe that best friends are very rare. I have trouble trusting people and it's something that I wish I didn't have an issue with. A friend of mine believes that part of the problem with society is that people aren't 100% honest with each other. I don't agree with this at all. I don't care how hard you try but you will never know a person fully. This friend believes that with they know everything about the person who they are in a relationship. I don't think that's true. It's virtually impossible to know someone because to know someone completely means that you know their entire story, what they are thinking at every moment of the day, what they are feeling at every moment of the day, etc. Unless you are empathic and a psychic you could never know a person completely. With this said, I have trouble opening up to people completely. My mom says that everyone should have an air of mystery about them. That is something I do believe.

I believe that we should question things in life. Whatever beliefs or philosophies you subscribe to, we should always question what is being given to us. We should question our beliefs for I believe to so is to make your beliefs even stronger. We should question others' beliefs, though in a tactful manner, careful not to make their beliefs any less important than our own. We should take the time to step outside of our comfort zones.

I believe that there is no such thing as black and white. We like to file things away into neat, tight packages but what happens when you have a square peg and a round hole? When we can't neatly classify things, our worlds are thrown into chaos. We fear the things that force us to rethink everything we've ever known, whether it be our religious beliefs, our morals, our values, our ethics, etc. Those who fear the unknown, often act irrationally or with ignorance or prejudice. As long as we realize that there is a gray area out there, that should better prepare us for the unexpected.

I believe that all beliefs and all philosophies should be practiced. Nothing irritates me more than when I run into someone who talks and talks and talks without making action. We can sit around, contemplate the rotation of the earth around the sun, the change of the tides, the ins and outs of the universe, but in the end, it's all words, words with no action. What is really the point of sitting around talking about the should-haves, the would-haves, the maybes, the ifs, the ands, the buts, the could-haves, etc, if we aren't going to do anything about those elements?

I believe that everyone deserves a second chance. Perhaps even a third or fourth chance, depending on the situation.

I believe that you should always be able to go home, no matter where home is, no matter the circumstances.

I believe that patience is a thing most desired but rarely practiced.

I believe that we all have a destiny and whether we fulfill that destiny is completely up to us.

I believe the simple things in life are far superior to those of the complex variety. It is the reason why I love rainy Saturdays, afternoons reading a book, watching a movie with my family, listening to an old album, etc.

I believe the newer generation should respect and appreciate what the older generation has done. I believe the older generation should remember that they were once the newer generation and be more accepting of the ideas of the new generation.

I believe that music is the cure to everything cruel about this life. Music is the great equalizer, the universal language, the thing that is the same in all cultures. It can bridge the most foreign of cultures. I have never met anyone who dislikes music.

A Meeting of the Minds

So today started the second week of school so everyone seemed better acclimated. Something bothers me in my Creative Writing course. Andrew Najberg is cool as hell and an incredible professor but I have an aversion to wanting to cater to people who are either too shy or too passive to engage in the classroom discussions. Now there's three of us who will answer: myself, Clif, and this Hermione Granger-esque girl in the front row. After we answer, generally he will not accept answers from us until the others volunteer which a few will but then he will call on people which is both embarrassing and annoying to watch. Why are you in college and still shy? I hate that. I mean we're all paying for our education unless Daddy Warbucks is funding you so why not take a more proactive approach.

Oh and this girl, Hermione Granger, keeps raising her hand. I mean this is college just answer the question! Then when he finally has to resort to calling on her, she reads the definition right out of the book. Paraphrase, much? It's like I don't know. Maybe I've forgotten what my first two years of college are like but I don't remember being that reserved. In fact, I loved the informalness of the lecture room so I fell right in.

Side note, Adam Binkley, Katie Christie, Ashely Ledford and I met in the Sequoya Review Office in the UC to do some cleaning. We got a lot done. There's so much to do, so many ideas. I'm really excited.

So after I left class I went to the library and I ran into Craig Henry, a guy that I took Nonfiction with back in Spring of 2008. So we're sitting and I had come to the library with the intent of working on my short story Halo but then we got into this very interesting conversation. We started talking about the power of language and it's place in society. We started talking about Grey's Anatomy and how Isaiah Washington was fired for calling T.R. Knight a 'faggot'. Now Washington was top-billed alongside Patrick Dempsey got into an altercation with Knight and the result was Washington calling Knight a 'faggot'. Now this word is very powerful and is not a word I particularly like or use but if Washington and Knight were two men arguing, this would be just another of millions of verbal altercations that take place throughout the country on a daily basis. Now with the two of them being from a high-profile television show, all of a sudden every magazine and rag was on the story of how Isaiah Washington was a homophobe. Washington was immediately villainized especially by the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender group GLADD. If it had been the other way around, I'm pretty sure that the NAACP would have been involved. So the end result was Shonda Rhimes, the show's producer and writer, having to fire Isaiah Washington, not necessarily because she wanted to but because she was pressured to do so. After all, who do you? Do you stick with the one guy who made a mistake or do you alienate thousands of viewers?

Then the conversation shifted towards the issue of Christianity and how it oppresses various groups. I told Craig about the girl I went to high school with who used scriptures from Genesis to justify her belief that all black people are going to Hell. She believes that because of Cain killing Abel, all of Cain's descendants are damned, Cain's descendants being darker-skinned individuals, aka black people. Craig mentioned how his parents are staunch conservatives and Christians and how they believe that homosexuality is an abomination. Craig told me that he began to rethink this belief when he met and befriended gay individuals. His parents refuse to see any differently on the subject. I then told him about my coworker Jessica who told me that this gay guy went to her church. He believes that his being gay is a sin so he abstains from gay relationships. Now I have a friend who told me last semester that he has attraction to males but he being Christian, he believes that his attraction to males is on par with sex outside of marriage, pornography, etc. So he prays to God to remove all sexual thoughts geared towards males away from him. He believes that doing so is God's way of testing him. I personally don't like this notion. I believe in God and I think that he is looking after us, therefore I can't rectify this notion that He is making certain individuals gay as a result of testing them. I mean what are they supposed to do, live life without love?

The conversation then shifted towards the issues of dichotomies. We live in a word defined by labels, these labels usually coming in twos. You're either male or female, black or white, gay or straight, right or wrong, etc. We usually veer away from the gray because they force us to rethink or at least consider that there are other ideas out there. For instance, we talked about zealot Christians and scientists. People have a hard time marrying religion with science, it's either / or. If I'm Christian, am I supposed to just not question anything? If I'm Christian, what if I presented with something contradictory with my faith? Do I allow it to reshape my views or do I become so fervent in my beliefs that I become a zealot? Why is it Creation vs. Evolution? Why can't it be both? What's wrong with these gray areas?

We talked for forty-five minutes and I enjoyed it. It's always nice to talk to someone who is open to what you have to say and vice-versa.

Halo

It's like you never knew my heart
I swear sometimes you are
So hard on me cos I'm not everything
That you want me to be
I'm so sorry, didn't want you to see me this way
I'm so sorry, didn't want to fall from grace

Some lyrics that I am loving right now and that have inspired a piece I am writing right now.

Credo Updated

I believe that things get better over time. Sure, we all have those moments where it seems that the darkness will never lift but I believe - I have to believe - that the sun will eventually shine again. I also believe that we all should learn to value those moments in the darkness for these moments oft lead to an appreciation of the light when it indeed returns to us. Also, I believe that we shouldn't take the light for granted because darkness is always lurking around the corner.

I believe that everyone should believe in something. I have so much respect for people who stand for something, even when that something is something that is contrary to something I believe. I do not respect people who don't believe in anything. Even if you don't believe in anything, i believe you should have a belief in that thing you are not believing in.

I believe in love. I believe that love does exist in many forms and that love is assessable to all that desire to have it. I am afraid of love. I am afraid of the path that love will lead me down. I am afraid of loving and even more afraid of being loved by someone who will have this undeniable, unshakable, everlasting love for me. I am afraid of hurting someone, especially when love is at state. I cannot bear the thought of hurting someone who truly loves me.

I believe in a higher power. I believe in God. I believe that he is watching, I believe that he is with us every moment of the day. I take comfort in this belief. It's the reason why I can lay my head down on my pillow and fall fast asleep without an overwhelming fear of the outside world. It's the reason why i can get in my car everyday and drive to work, to school. I believe that my connection to God is on a level that only he and I understand. I talk to him everyday and I request his guidance, his patience, his understanding and I trust that everything in my life is governed by his power.

I believe that life goes on and should go on even in moments where we wish that it would either cease or slow down.

I believe that children are perhaps the greatest aspect of life. Because of this, I fear children. I fear having children but that should not suggest that I wouldn't want to be a father. In fact, I would love to be a father but I am terrified of such. I realize that no parent is perfect. No child is perfect. I am scared that my actions and my direction will directly influence and shape my son or my daughter and perhaps lead them down a path that I fear is not a good path for them.

I believe that best friends are very rare. I have trouble trusting people and it's something that I wish I didn't have an issue with. A friend of mine believes that part of the problem with society is that people aren't 100% honest with each other. I don't agree with this at all. I don't care how hard you try but you will never know a person fully. This friend believes that with they know everything about the person who they are in a relationship. I don't think that's true. It's virtually impossible to know someone because to know someone completely means that you know their entire story, what they are thinking at every moment of the day, what they are feeling at every moment of the day, etc. Unless you are empathic and a psychic you could never know a person completely. With this said, I have trouble opening up to people completely. My mom says that everyone should have an air of mystery about them. That is something I do believe.

On The Third Day of Classes ...

So, I woke up in preparation for an interview but as soon as I was about to step out the door this morning, Mrs. Thompson one of my bosses in the Financial Aid Office told me that since I am returning to the job, I wouldn't have to interview. This was exciting to hear but I was already dressed, therefore going back to bed was no longer an option. After a couple of rounds on Mortal Kombat and some banking and email checking, I called Jeremiah - since he was off today - and asked him to meet me at Burger King before my 1PM class.

Jeremiah and I caught up being as that we really didn't have time to hang out over the break which is understandable. Ashley was home and I was spending time with my family. I did encourage him to submit to the Sequoya Review which he did.

1PM, I had Andrew Najberg's Engl 270 class in Hunter. I think that I am really going to like this class because the students are younger and they are very naive as far as writing goes. It's exciting to watch them react in such fascination and with such enthusiasm and it reminds me of my first writing class which is why I am taking the course. A sort of back to basics, a time where egos didn't exist, a time where the desire to write was so powerful. So many of us in the UTC Writing Department call ourselves writers and we sit back and talk about writing but very few us actually do write on a daily basis. I am trying to cultivate this daily dedication to writing. You can't call yourself a writer if you're not writing. Another thing I find amusing in this class is that one of the girls raises her hand each time to answer. The first time she did it, it really freaked me out because I hadn't seen anyone do that in so long. She's also so eager and so passionate and most of my friends and myself are so jaded by getting published that I have forgotten what it's like to be like that.

430PM, I drove to campus for my Spanish 214 class with Regina Ragon. As I am walking to the library, I catch a glimpse of Mark down the street. I had my iPod on and I didn't want to be bothered so I pretended I didn't see him and I started up the stairs to the library, taking two and three steps at a time. Would you believe he actually caught up with me and followed me inside. I swear the guy has me low-jacked or something. I really feel bad for the guy sometimes. He's very opinionated and often times he's very ignorant in the things he says but he's one of those WASP-y conservative types that have a hard time realizing that not everyone in this country is white, well-off, Christian, and Republican. One day he even referred to me and my friend Grace (who is half-Mexican) as you people. Yeah, why am I still friends with this guy. I guess a part of me is hoping that I can aspire him to abandon his myopic views.

5PM, I head to class and I save a seat for Grace because I do not want to have to deal with Mark and his 'I am so smart I must answer all the questions louder than everyone else and then add commentary to support it'. This of course happened today. Suddenly he was an expert on the Panama Canal and while he was going on and on and on and on about it, people on the other side of the classroom were snickering and making fun of him. Do I feel bad for him - no. The guy has no self-awareness. I guess he's just compensating for the fact that he is 29 still in undergrad. He always feels the need to explain things to me when I know the answers. My GPA is higher than his so I don't know why he thinks I'm some simpleton compared to him. It's very annoying.

7PM, it's dinnertime so I must end this entry.

My First 2 Days of Classes in Review

I think that this semester is going to be very hectic and very enjoyable and I feel that it will be the first semester to go out on before graduation in May. I am starting to feel that anxiety that many graduates feel. What am I going to do when that diploma is handed to me? Baby steps, I keep telling myself.

On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, I have Andrew Najberg's Creative Writing 270 which I initially took back at Tennessee Tech. I can't take this course for credit so I am auditing it. I am glad the he is including me in with all the other students. In a way, I feel like I did the first time I took a creative writing course. That whole sense of vulnerability, wondering in those in attendance will think your writing is just as grand as you do. The fragile egos, including my own. I think it's going to be great. My goal for this course is to help me realize why I fell in writing in the first place. It's sort of a getting back to basics. Andrew is very laid back but he has one of those quiet strengths about him. Since he is teaching fiction, I wanted to take him so that I can add him to the long list of creative writing professors I have had at UTC, which includes Rebecca Cook, Earl Braggs, Thomas Balazs, Sybil Baker, and the late Ken Smith (who was my first official Fiction professor).

On Mondays and Wednesdays, I have Spanish 214 with Regina Ragon. I like this class because of my friends in there. Grace is in there and so is Whitney and Kyle. Mark's in there too and my goal for this semester is to not let him get to me. I realize that a lot of the things he says is because of his insecurities. I try not to take the things that he say personal anymore. Emphasis on the try.

I'm taking Michelle White's History of Modern Britain course because frankly she is the best history professor I have had since high school. Not to betray my sex but I feel that women make better history professors because history in itself is His Story so basically I feel that women tend to take a more unbiased approached to teaching it. She is absolutely phenomenal and she remembered me from her History of England course in Fall of 2007. She even remembered the research paper I wrote on Bloody Mary which gave me the warm and fuzzies. I worked really hard on that history paper and not only did I get the grade but I was her favorite paper that semester. Maybe I can do it again.

Sybil Baker is heading the course for the Sequoya Review which is exciting. There are a lot of people on staff and this year I feel that things will be better for the Sequoya Review as far as the content that goes inside. While I am glad that I did get published, as did several of my friends, I do feel that some true talent was overlooked last year. Funny thing is, when I walked into the classroom today, low and behold there was the person that beat me for a job interview. Honestly, I knew I was all wrong for the job but when the interviewer keeps reminding you that there is another applicant and she keeps reminding you how much she and that applicant have in common, it really isn't a pleasant experience. I knew walking out of that interview that I didn't get the job - which is fine.

Last of today was Thomas Balazs's Screenwriting and Playwrighting course. It's gonna be crazy hectic but fun nevertheless. Plus Ebony and Ebony (no Ivory ... yet, we're taking applications), aka me and my boy Jeremy, have been reunited this semester. He and I have taken Rebecca Cook's Nonfiction course three consecutive semesters and last semester he didn't take it. Kristen's in the class with me, too. So is Brandon and Rachel and Robert from UTC Author's Society. Today Dr. Balazs was going over the syllabus and when he came to the section on plagarism, he made a jab at Robert. It was funny but only Brandon, Rachel, and I got it.

Overall I am excited about this semester. It's gonna be long and difficult but I will manage, I will get through it and I will have stellar grades and hopefully a diploma.

Credo

I believe that things get better over time. Sure, we all have those moments where it seems that the darkness will never lift but I believe - I have to believe - that the sun will eventually shine again. I also believe that we all should learn to value those moments in the darkness for these moments oft lead to an appreciation of the light when it indeed returns to us. Also, I believe that we shouldn't take the light for granted because darkness is always lurking around the corner.

I believe that everyone should believe in something. I have so much respect for people who stand for something, even when that something is something that is contrary to something I believe. I do not respect people who don't believe in anything. Even if you don't believe in anything, i believe you should have a belief in that thing you are not believing in.

I believe in love. I believe that love does exist in many forms and that love is assessable to all that desire to have it. I am afraid of love. I am afraid of the path that love will lead me down. I am afraid of loving and even more afraid of being loved by someone who will have this undeniable, unshakable, everlasting love for me. I am afraid of hurting someone, especially when love is at state. I cannot bear the thought of hurting someone who truly loves me.

I believe in a higher power. I believe in God. I believe that he is watching, I believe that he is with us every moment of the day. I take comfort in this belief. It's the reason why I can lay my head down on my pillow and fall fast asleep without an overwhelming fear of the outside world. It's the reason why i can get in my car everyday and drive to work, to school. I believe that my connection to God is on a level that only he and I understand. I talk to him everyday and I request his guidance, his patience, his understanding and I trust that everything in my life is governed by his power.

I believe that life goes on and should go on even in moments where we wish that it would either cease or slow down.

I believe that children are perhaps the greatest aspect of life. Because of this, I fear children. I fear having children but that should not suggest that I wouldn't want to be a father. In fact, I would love to be a father but I am terrified of such. I realize that no parent is perfect. No child is perfect. I am scared that my actions and my direction will directly influence and shape my son or my daughter and perhaps lead them down a path that I fear is not a good path for them.