Week 4 in Review

This has been an odd week for me so far as it comes to a close. I have been in a relatively good mood this week. For the most part I love my classes. I love Mondays because of Andrew Najberg's Creative Writing class (English 270). There are some great writers in that class and I find it increasingly amusing that I was once in their place four years ago at Tennessee Tech when I took my first Creative Writing class. I finally told Andrew that I am auditing because I was getting the feeling that he thought I was a student and being that I haven't been turning in all the assignments, I didn't want him to think that I was a slacker. He asked me what I wanted out of the course and I told him that I was looking to recharge my batteries as far as my writing goes. After taking Sybil Baker's Novel Workshop, I gradually grew out of the habit of writing short stories and I feel that short stories are my strong suit as far as my writing goes and I need to get back to basics so to speak. He told me to continue to turn in my work and he will regard it like the others' work.

I love Spanish 214 with Regina Ragon. I feel that while not being able to communicate verbally in Spanish, I have a great grasp on reading it. We had our first exam on Monday and I feel that I did okay. I got my Native Speaker and Mini Paper done and turned in on time and all my Quia done. I was very pleased about that. I love having Grace in there with me because it's like having someone who completely understands everything you're going through. She and I met up at the library on Sunday to study. Kyle was supposed to meet us there but he had pulled some extreme shifts over the weekend so he was hella exhausted. Don't blame him.

I absolutely love Michelle White's Modern British History course on Tuesdays and Thursdays. She is an excellent lecturer and she is so knowledgeable about British History. What annoys me is that this guy named William and my friend Mark feel the need to constantly interject bits of sometimes irrelevant sometimes relevant knowledge and I can tell that Dr. White gets extremely irritated by this. The two of them have no self-awareness. I would like to think that I would immediately pick up on something like this but they obviously feel this need to show how intelligent they are.

My least favorite course is Sybil Baker's Publications course. Don't get me wrong, I love Sybil and she has helped my writing so much but I'm not a fan of the class. I feel so out of my element in that class. I don't have someone to make me feel comfortable and I also have this unfounded inferior complex. Of course it's mostly Honors and poets in the class and I've always felt that the English Department favors the Honors and the Poets. I know this is probably not the case but they're all friends and they all live in the same place or lived in the same place at one point therefore they all have this rapport. I do like having Kristen and Katie in there. Ashely's with Gavin. I was supposed to go to Chicago for AWP but I decided not to go because it was Adam, Trenna, Katie, Emilia and Gavin and honestly I just saw myself feeling ten times what I feel in Publications class in that group dynamic. I don't have much in common with those guys on the whole and I did not want to be miserable in another state. Plus there was the whole let's get plane tickets and stuff. I don't have plane ticket money. I have a tux to buy for AJ's wedding coming up. It's just really frustrating and on top of things Gavin made a black joke in class and it's always assumed that I'll be okay with it because I'm always the token black guy. I hate that and maybe I should voice the fact that I hate it. It was even more shocking coming from Gavin because normally he's the PC police of the group. I don't know. I was not feeling class today and we're doing these stupid presentations and everyone is doing PowerPoint and I'm bored out of my mind and I would rather be working on the website instead of spending an hour and a half listening to someone read off a PowerPoint presentation. There, I feel better.

I love Dr. Balázs's Screenwriting / Playwrighting course. At first I dreaded it because I was wondering if I'd made a mistake by signing up for something that I was not quite familiar with. But things changed when Dr. Balázs brought in this playwright and she gave us some awesome advice, much of it which mirrored Dr. Balázs's advice. She asked for volunteers to read one of her plays about a doctor feeling guilty for not helping a woman who ended up dying in her yard. Me and Karla ended up reading and I really enjoyed the intimacy of the script. Also she asked for volunteers to read their own works in progress so I read my scene with Kelly and Layne (the twins) and she and the class and Dr. Balázs gave me awesome advice and it sort of boosted my confidence a bit. I now feel that I can really make something out of taking this class. I'm really digging writing plays.

I've discovered this inner-peace while being alone and writing at home. My life is so hectic while on campus that I literally crave being at home and in front of my laptop or notebook. I frustrate easily but I try to keep positive. I feel that sometimes I am very misunderstood. Maybe I'm getting older and seeing things differently. I do feel a bit different. Things are gradually coming into perspective for me and I am trying to learn from previous mistakes and plan for things up the road while still living my life. It's difficult but I've learned to value the small things and I'm learning the importance of taking things one step at a time.

Lyrics of the Week - Superstar by the Carpenters

Long ago
And oh so far away
I fell in love with you
Before the second show

Your guitar
It sounds so sweet and clear
But you're not really here
It's just the radio

Don't you remember you told me you loved me baby
You said you be coming back this way again maybe
Baby baby baby baby oh baby
I love you
I really do

Loneliness
Is such a sad affair
And I can't hardly wait
To be with you again

What's it take
To make you come again
Come back to me again
And play you sad guitar

Don't you remember you told me you loved me baby
You said you be coming back this way again maybe
Baby baby baby baby oh baby
I love you, I really do

Don't you remember you told me you loved me baby
You said you be coming back this way again maybe
Baby baby baby baby oh baby
I love you, I really do

A story in progress ...

I have been working on a long piece that I am really excited about. It's about a set of twins and the story takes place during three crucial time periods in their young lives: High School, College, and Early Adulthood. Both William Kelly and William Layne (both share the same first name but go by their middle names to distinguish themselves from each other) are fraternal twins and they lead two different lives. William Kelly is more of the artsy type, often involved in the school plays, showcases, etc. He is also very outgoing and for the most part well-liked by most of his peers. William Layne does fairly well in school and into baseball. He plays on the baseball team and he also likes to paint though the latter is not something he is open about. He, like his twin, is well liked but much more mild-mannered. The two of them live in Minor Springs, a very, very small town. They have a father, Jack, who runs a family-owned hardware store, and Laverne, a third grade school teacher. William Kelly takes more after their mother and William Layne after their father. William Kelly looks after his brother, but William Layne often steps in to defend his brother whenever he is teased or bullied.

In college, William Kelly goes to a university in Atlanta and becomes involved in Communications and Business Management while William Layne attends a college near Minor Springs. William Layne is recruited by the college's baseball team but during his junior year, he quits playing due to an injury. Soon after he drops out of college and has a daughter, Deana by a young woman named Jennifer. The two of them get married. William Kelly graduates, double major, and eventually moves to New York City where he works as an assistant for an up and coming singer / actress.

In present, William Layne is living with his wife, Jennifer, and their two children Deana and Jack in Minor Springs while William Kelly lives in New York City working as a manager for a singer / actress. The two brothers are reunited but not under the best circumstances. I am excited to see where this story goes.

The Other Day the Music Died ...

Well it's official though I've known it to be true for a few months now. The music sensation Danity Kane is officially no more. The group initially self-destructed upon the dismissal of members Aubrey O'Day and Wanita 'D. Woods' Woodgette. Then there were rumors that Shannon Bex, another member, had left late in 2008. Today it was officially confirmed by member Dawn Richard who I'd pinpointed as the catalyst for the breaking up of one of my favorite girl groups since Destiny's Child.

Yes, Danity Kane was a manufactured R&B / Pop girl group. Yes, Sean 'Puffy / P.Diddy / Puff Daddy / Diddy' Combs rallied several young women together, made them dance, made them sing, cursed at them, made them sweat before finally settling on members Aubrey O'Day, Aundrea Fimbres, Shannon Bex, Wanita 'D. Woods' Woodgette, and Dawn Richard. I and many others watched them make their album on MTV's Making the Band and in October of 2006, they released their first album, eponymously named.

After two tours and two albums, the young ladies have all gone their separate ways and it was a bittersweet parting, especially when two girls were asked to pack their bags by Sean Combs. For someone who says that he has the Midas Touch, Sean Combs has ruined more careers. These five young women were extremely motivated and very talented. Hopefully they will all find success. With that said, Rest In Peace Danity Kane. We hardly knew ye.

On Finish One of the Best Novels I Have Ever Read

I had first heard about Christopher Rice while perusing the Anne Rice's entry on Wikipedia.org. While I am not a fan of horror novels, especially ones of the vampire variety, but when I found out that her son, Christopher Rice, wrote thriller novels, I immediately logged onto his website and read about the four books he has published to date. His first one was published in 2000 and it's called A Density of Souls. So I immediately went to iTunes and I downloaded the book on Tuesday and as of 4:15 PM today I finished it. It was over eight and a half hours of the excitment and raw emotion and I'm sure that if I had it in book form, I wouldn't have been able to sit it down.

The story's central characters are Stephen Conlin, Meredith Ducote, Greg Darby and Brandon Charbonnet, four characters who are the closest of friends in childhood. Once high school starts, the four of them go their separate ways: Greg and Brandon become football players, Meredith a cheerleader, and Stephen a part of the drama department at Cannon, a prep school in New Orleans. As the years past, once close friends become bitter enemies as anger, hate, and death rage against the backdrop of New Orleans.

This was a beautiful, intricate tale where the author ties every loose string into a neat little bow by the novel's end. I literally fell in love with this book and I want to write things that make me feel the way this novel did. The prose was flawless, the characters heartbreakingly realistic, and the plot was neatly woven and carefully thought out. Most of all, this novel has inspired me to read more of Christopher Rice's books and to start writing even more.

Credo Updated

I believe that things get better over time. Sure, we all have those moments where it seems that the darkness will never lift but I believe - I have to believe - that the sun will eventually shine again. I also believe that we all should learn to value those moments in the darkness for these moments oft lead to an appreciation of the light when it indeed returns to us. Also, I believe that we shouldn't take the light for granted because darkness is always lurking around the corner.

I believe that everyone should believe in something. I have so much respect for people who stand for something, even when that something is something that is contrary to something I believe. I do not respect people who don't believe in anything. Even if you don't believe in anything, i believe you should have a belief in that thing you are not believing in.

I believe in love. I believe that love does exist in many forms and that love is assessable to all that desire to have it. I am afraid of love. I am afraid of the path that love will lead me down. I am afraid of loving and even more afraid of being loved by someone who will have this undeniable, unshakable, everlasting love for me. I am afraid of hurting someone, especially when love is at state. I cannot bear the thought of hurting someone who truly loves me.

I believe in a higher power. I believe in God. I believe that he is watching, I believe that he is with us every moment of the day. I take comfort in this belief. It's the reason why I can lay my head down on my pillow and fall fast asleep without an overwhelming fear of the outside world. It's the reason why i can get in my car everyday and drive to work, to school. I believe that my connection to God is on a level that only he and I understand. I talk to him everyday and I request his guidance, his patience, his understanding and I trust that everything in my life is governed by his power.

I believe that life goes on and should go on even in moments where we wish that it would either cease or slow down.

I believe that children are perhaps the greatest aspect of life. Because of this, I fear children. I fear having children but that should not suggest that I wouldn't want to be a father. In fact, I would love to be a father but I am terrified of such. I realize that no parent is perfect. No child is perfect. I am scared that my actions and my direction will directly influence and shape my son or my daughter and perhaps lead them down a path that I fear is not a good path for them.

I believe that best friends are very rare. I have trouble trusting people and it's something that I wish I didn't have an issue with. A friend of mine believes that part of the problem with society is that people aren't 100% honest with each other. I don't agree with this at all. I don't care how hard you try but you will never know a person fully. This friend believes that with they know everything about the person who they are in a relationship. I don't think that's true. It's virtually impossible to know someone because to know someone completely means that you know their entire story, what they are thinking at every moment of the day, what they are feeling at every moment of the day, etc. Unless you are empathic and a psychic you could never know a person completely. With this said, I have trouble opening up to people completely. My mom says that everyone should have an air of mystery about them. That is something I do believe.

I believe that we should question things in life. Whatever beliefs or philosophies you subscribe to, we should always question what is being given to us. We should question our beliefs for I believe to so is to make your beliefs even stronger. We should question others' beliefs, though in a tactful manner, careful not to make their beliefs any less important than our own. We should take the time to step outside of our comfort zones.

I believe that there is no such thing as black and white. We like to file things away into neat, tight packages but what happens when you have a square peg and a round hole? When we can't neatly classify things, our worlds are thrown into chaos. We fear the things that force us to rethink everything we've ever known, whether it be our religious beliefs, our morals, our values, our ethics, etc. Those who fear the unknown, often act irrationally or with ignorance or prejudice. As long as we realize that there is a gray area out there, that should better prepare us for the unexpected.

I believe that all beliefs and all philosophies should be practiced. Nothing irritates me more than when I run into someone who talks and talks and talks without making action. We can sit around, contemplate the rotation of the earth around the sun, the change of the tides, the ins and outs of the universe, but in the end, it's all words, words with no action. What is really the point of sitting around talking about the should-haves, the would-haves, the maybes, the ifs, the ands, the buts, the could-haves, etc, if we aren't going to do anything about those elements?

I believe that everyone deserves a second chance. Perhaps even a third or fourth chance, depending on the situation.

I believe that you should always be able to go home, no matter where home is, no matter the circumstances.

I believe that patience is a thing most desired but rarely practiced.

I believe that we all have a destiny and whether we fulfill that destiny is completely up to us.

I believe the simple things in life are far superior to those of the complex variety. It is the reason why I love rainy Saturdays, afternoons reading a book, watching a movie with my family, listening to an old album, etc.

I believe the newer generation should respect and appreciate what the older generation has done. I believe the older generation should remember that they were once the newer generation and be more accepting of the ideas of the new generation.

I believe that music is the cure to everything cruel about this life. Music is the great equalizer, the universal language, the thing that is the same in all cultures. It can bridge the most foreign of cultures. I have never met anyone who dislikes music.

A Meeting of the Minds

So today started the second week of school so everyone seemed better acclimated. Something bothers me in my Creative Writing course. Andrew Najberg is cool as hell and an incredible professor but I have an aversion to wanting to cater to people who are either too shy or too passive to engage in the classroom discussions. Now there's three of us who will answer: myself, Clif, and this Hermione Granger-esque girl in the front row. After we answer, generally he will not accept answers from us until the others volunteer which a few will but then he will call on people which is both embarrassing and annoying to watch. Why are you in college and still shy? I hate that. I mean we're all paying for our education unless Daddy Warbucks is funding you so why not take a more proactive approach.

Oh and this girl, Hermione Granger, keeps raising her hand. I mean this is college just answer the question! Then when he finally has to resort to calling on her, she reads the definition right out of the book. Paraphrase, much? It's like I don't know. Maybe I've forgotten what my first two years of college are like but I don't remember being that reserved. In fact, I loved the informalness of the lecture room so I fell right in.

Side note, Adam Binkley, Katie Christie, Ashely Ledford and I met in the Sequoya Review Office in the UC to do some cleaning. We got a lot done. There's so much to do, so many ideas. I'm really excited.

So after I left class I went to the library and I ran into Craig Henry, a guy that I took Nonfiction with back in Spring of 2008. So we're sitting and I had come to the library with the intent of working on my short story Halo but then we got into this very interesting conversation. We started talking about the power of language and it's place in society. We started talking about Grey's Anatomy and how Isaiah Washington was fired for calling T.R. Knight a 'faggot'. Now Washington was top-billed alongside Patrick Dempsey got into an altercation with Knight and the result was Washington calling Knight a 'faggot'. Now this word is very powerful and is not a word I particularly like or use but if Washington and Knight were two men arguing, this would be just another of millions of verbal altercations that take place throughout the country on a daily basis. Now with the two of them being from a high-profile television show, all of a sudden every magazine and rag was on the story of how Isaiah Washington was a homophobe. Washington was immediately villainized especially by the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender group GLADD. If it had been the other way around, I'm pretty sure that the NAACP would have been involved. So the end result was Shonda Rhimes, the show's producer and writer, having to fire Isaiah Washington, not necessarily because she wanted to but because she was pressured to do so. After all, who do you? Do you stick with the one guy who made a mistake or do you alienate thousands of viewers?

Then the conversation shifted towards the issue of Christianity and how it oppresses various groups. I told Craig about the girl I went to high school with who used scriptures from Genesis to justify her belief that all black people are going to Hell. She believes that because of Cain killing Abel, all of Cain's descendants are damned, Cain's descendants being darker-skinned individuals, aka black people. Craig mentioned how his parents are staunch conservatives and Christians and how they believe that homosexuality is an abomination. Craig told me that he began to rethink this belief when he met and befriended gay individuals. His parents refuse to see any differently on the subject. I then told him about my coworker Jessica who told me that this gay guy went to her church. He believes that his being gay is a sin so he abstains from gay relationships. Now I have a friend who told me last semester that he has attraction to males but he being Christian, he believes that his attraction to males is on par with sex outside of marriage, pornography, etc. So he prays to God to remove all sexual thoughts geared towards males away from him. He believes that doing so is God's way of testing him. I personally don't like this notion. I believe in God and I think that he is looking after us, therefore I can't rectify this notion that He is making certain individuals gay as a result of testing them. I mean what are they supposed to do, live life without love?

The conversation then shifted towards the issues of dichotomies. We live in a word defined by labels, these labels usually coming in twos. You're either male or female, black or white, gay or straight, right or wrong, etc. We usually veer away from the gray because they force us to rethink or at least consider that there are other ideas out there. For instance, we talked about zealot Christians and scientists. People have a hard time marrying religion with science, it's either / or. If I'm Christian, am I supposed to just not question anything? If I'm Christian, what if I presented with something contradictory with my faith? Do I allow it to reshape my views or do I become so fervent in my beliefs that I become a zealot? Why is it Creation vs. Evolution? Why can't it be both? What's wrong with these gray areas?

We talked for forty-five minutes and I enjoyed it. It's always nice to talk to someone who is open to what you have to say and vice-versa.