XXIV

So I'm 24.

And I am supposed to feel this sort of renewal within me making this transition from 23 to 24. I don't really feel any different. I'm feeling very anxious, very repressed, very oppressed, like a caged bird that was never supposed to be trapped in the first place. And if I was given my freedom, would I even know what to do with it? If the door was open, would I still remain in the cage.

So I'm 24.

And between foolishness and maturity. I have watched those my age marry, divorce, have children, graduate college, get jobs, travel. I feel like the runner who didn't hear the gun go off at the start of the race. I know everyone has their own pace, their own drum that they march to. I am feeling in a rut. I want to graduate but I'm unsure of the life that waits for me after that diploma is placed in my hand. I have seen how the real world has changed my friends. 9 to 5s are not for me and people scoff at my dreams of doing something that will only afford happiness and contentment in my life. Why should I be practical at the expense of my dreams. At what point does the vicious cycle end?

So I'm 24.

And single. Experience is limited. Relationships are alluring? Am I ready for a relationship? I am a selfish person to an extent. I have never had to share. It has always been me. I want someone to talk to on the deepest level, no exteriors, only baring my innermost workings. I want someone who will trust me enough to do the same.

So I'm 24.

And patience is wearing thin. I want something of my own. Something that sets me apart from others. Something that I can be proud of. I'm tired of being pigeon-holed, stereotyped, generalized, etc. I am Bryce Lee Wynn and I want everyone to see that. I am 3-dimensional. I am highly-intelligent though drastically flawed. Love me or hate me. I am not perfect nor do I strive to be. I want to be able to say what I feel and not be misunderstood anymore.

So I'm 24.
And I should be happy. I think I am happy. I think I could be happier. In some ways I fear happiness.

So I'm 24.

Day #1 of Birthday Extravaganza

Instead of feeling blue about my aging, I decided to take matters into my own hands and make this the best birthday celebration ever. Last year's birthday was not enjoyable. I made the mistake of trying to bridge the gap between my old friends and new friends and most of my old friends really showed their true colors and now we have parted ways. I think that I now have a great group of people around me and my plan is to spend time with each of them.

Saturday I wanted to go roller skating. I wanted Katie there but she was going to be in Birmingham. But everyone else could go so I will go twice just so Katie can come. Kristen, Josh, Grace, and Clif all met me at Hamilton Skate Place and we had a blast. I don't skate that well but a lot of it was me not trusting myself not to fall. I only fell once and that was when Josh got in the way of three eight year old girls who were skating in a line. Well those girls then promptly got in my way so it was either fall or take three girls down with me so I latched onto the girl at the back of the line and we all fell. It was funny in retrospect. I had a great time. It was good to be surrounded by good people.